Deep South
by The Very Last Valkyrie
Summary: Alice Brandon lost her enmity for Forks when she found Jasper Hale, vegetarian vampire and love of her life. But when new foes enter the equation, the forbidden love between vampire and mortal will be tested in ways they could never have imagined…
1. Preface

**_The midnight release on New Year's Day is still going ahead. This is just a preface, because I couldn't resist...  
_

* * *

Preface**

The bells were ringing in my ears, pounding into my head as I sobbed and searched blindly for a spot of light in the darkness.

Even the cobbles beneath my feet vibrated with every death knell from the unearthly, unforgiving bell tower above.

The crowd was pushing, pulling; trying to block my madness with their bodies and with their harsh words.

I didn't care. I pushed, and I pulled, and I fought.

The sweat poured down my face, mixing with the tears until I couldn't distinguish which bitter, saline liquid was which.

But it wasn't enough.

The great bell above me boomed out one last shattering chime, and I turned my head up to the sky and screamed.


	2. Birthday Girl

**_I know I'm going to regret this...  
But as it is the season of goodwill and all, the midnight release has been scrapped. Why? Because of excessive pleading, and the bribe of Jasper shaped cookies.  
So here it is, you greedy little turnips.  
Happy reading._

* * *

**

1. Birthday Girl

I lay motionless, still half asleep, cocooned in the soft silence that pervaded my bedroom.

I didn't need to check the calendar – which, at my boyfriend's insistence, had been changed from that of a recent vampire movie (which he found distasteful) to an Art Nouveau one.

I think he was just worried about me swooning over the male lead, actually. Man, that hair…

Anyway, I just knew, from the bubbly feeling in the pit of my stomach, that it was September thirteenth. I was eighteen today.

I rolled over to come nose to nose with the boyfriend in question.

"Hello Jasper," I said politely. "I didn't know you'd stayed over."

"You were out of it by the time I got here."

I rolled my eyes. "You really must get over this whole 'watching me sleep' thing."

However, since my almost demise earlier in the year, the staring had gone from just that to all out surveillance. And at least once a week I was woken by a medical exam.

Yep, you heard me.

And not the sexy kind either.

"Jasper," I said tiredly, as he checked under the covers that all was as it should be. "My artery is fine. Fabulous, in fact. Now would you please leave it alone?"

He continued to inspect my leg, like it was the Mona Lisa or something.

"Jasper," I groaned again. "James is dead. I think you made pretty sure of that when you decapitated him."

He smiled ruefully and lowered the sheet.

"Would it help if I said it's because I love you?"

"Yes. It would." I kissed him, still grinning, and felt his mouth curve up to match mine as he absorbed my happiness.

That's one of the (very few, I might add) problems with being in love with Jasper. Sure, he's happy when I'm happy, but it totally sucks to have PMS when your boyfriend's just as bummed out as you are.

And demanding to watch Titanic _again_.

"Happy birthday," He said, gently pushing me off.

Jasper had very strict rules about our physical relationship. He said there was only a set amount he could go while resisting the urge to bite me.

I didn't quite believe this.

After all, I wouldn't blame him. Forks is a very small town. _Everyone_ knows what you're buying in the drugstore.

So we remained chaste as angels – until I became a vampire, of course.

And Jasper was all too willing to make me an immortal.

The truth? I was scared.

Like, _really_ scared.

According to Rosalie (I couldn't trust Jasper with these things. He'd wear rose tinted glasses throughout), the first year of a vampire's life consisted of the craving for one thing –

Blood, blood, and more blood.

Oh, and no inhibitions whatsoever.

I didn't find the idea of accidentally-on-purpose chowing down on one of my parents too appealing, so I declined his kind offer – for now.

"I'm rapidly closing the age gap between us, you know," I pointed out.

He snorted. "Whatever. There's still a hundred and forty five years between you and I."

"One forty four!" I trilled. "_I_ worked it out."

He pushed me out of bed (not hard, because he didn't want to break my bones) and pointed at the door.

"You will be late. Go shower."

"Okay!" I skipped towards the door, but turned halfway there. "You realize this makes you one year less of being a cradle snatcher, right?"

He gave me A Look, and I left hurriedly, before he could maim and/or propose to me again. I'd only just got over the last time…

* * *

I'd come across the female vampire while I was walking, and her red eyes struck a chord with me. The wounds had healed, but I still winced from the internal damage James had doled out earlier that year.

It's the memories that are hardest to fight against.

"You stay away from me," I warned her.

"But why, darling?" She said, rolling the R practically to breaking point. "See how I shimmer in the sun."

"Yes, yes, pretty sparkles. Now would you just leave already?"

Anger flared in her red eyes. "No. You've vexed me now, and you've made me thirsty."

"Maria!"

I turned, though I hardly needed to. I recognized that voice. I'd have recognized it anywhere.

"Ah, Jasper," She purred. "Joining me for lunch?"

"No," He said, draping an arm around my shoulders. "Maria, I don't know if you've met my fiancée – this is Alice Brandon."

"Am I missing something?" I hissed in his ear. "You know, like, oh, I don't know, _the part where you proposed_?!"

"Oh, do excuse me. Will you marry me?"

"No!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

_I'm not ready to be anyone's fiancée!_ I told myself as I splashed cold water over my face. _Hell,_ _I'm not even old enough to buy liquor!_

Actually, could I in Forks? I hadn't looked it up here.

But probably no.

Anyway, it's the sentiment that counts.

"Alice, honey, you'll be late for school!" My mom called from downstairs.

"I'll be down in a minute!"

She was suspiciously quiet on the subject of gifts and none had been presented to me (thus far).

She and Jasper had planned something. I just knew it.

The same way that I knew that at the rate my truck was running these days, I was going to be very late indeed.

When I stepped outside, the fall wind was chill, but refreshing all the same.

And Jasper was waiting for me, the giant silver motorcycle gleaming beside him.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I have not survived eighteen years in this world to die of fright. You take that thing away. Right now."

This had been an ongoing argument throughout the summer. Jasper claimed to dislike the speed of my ancient red Chevy, but I knew it was really because he liked hearing my heartbeat accelerate to Grand Prix levels.

"You're going to be late otherwise."

"Nope." I folded my arms.

He sighed. "Alice. Either you're going to get on the bike, or so help me I am going to _run_ you to school. Which is it gonna to be?"

"It's my birthday!" I argued. "I should get my own way for once."

He consulted his watch. "Time's up."

In one movement and less than a second, he had pulled me onto his back and we were flying through the trees at speeds that would make us invisible to the naked eye.

"I hate you," I announced, eyes tightly shut.

"I do believe we've had this conversation before. And you said you'd never kiss me again."

"No I didn't. I just said I wouldn't kiss you again for a very long time."

"Yes, and for about half an hour there I _really_ suffered."


	3. Kidnap

**_This chapter jumps around a lot, so I'm sorry.  
But if you don't care, I don't care!_

* * *

2. Kidnap**

We stopped in the mile long stretch of forest that was opposite Forks High School, and he took my hand as we walked.

"Why aren't I allowed to get you anything for your birthday?"

I sighed. "Because you'll get me something I want."

He raised an eyebrow. "That is the general idea."

"Jasper, it's one thing to lust over, oh, let's say, a pair of Jimmy Choos. It is an entirely different thing to return home to find those shoes, in the right size, right in the middle of your bed."

"I liked those shoes."

"So did I. But don't you see? If I get the things I ask for constantly, I'll stop appreciating them. Plus," I added, squeezing his hand. "You've given me you. Which is the best present I've gotten so far."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not perfect, you know."

"I didn't ask for perfect. I just asked for you."

Without even realizing it, suddenly I had my back against a tree and his palms were flat against the trunk on either side of my head.

Oh, we were trying _this_ method of persuasion, were we?

"But it makes me happy when you are," He purred, leaning in.

I gulped. "Lavish gifts make me uncomfortable, not happy."

"You feelings say different."

He carefully brushed his lips over my cheek, drawing a burning line to the corner of my mouth.

_Hell_ no. Two can play at that game.

"Jasper," I said silkily, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him to me. I reached one hand up, curling it around his neck and pulling gently down so that his honey blond hair tickled my cheek.

"Don't try and beat me," I breathed into his ear "You know I always win."

He pulled away from me and laughed.

"Succubus," He challenged.

"Incubus," I replied.

"Then I guess we're pretty evenly matched."

* * *

"Your brother," I said, pointedly sitting on the opposite side of the table to Jasper. "Thinks he's – "

"Irresistible?" Edward ventured.

"And he made the whole class – "

"Sing Happy Birthday to you in Spanish?"

I glared at him. "Edward. Either you stop _now_, or I will start singing in my head."

"Your singing isn't that bad."

"Oh yeah?"

_I know a song that'll get on your nerves_

_Get on your nerves,_

_Get on your nerves;_

_I know a song that'll get on your nerves_

_And this is how it goes:_

_I know a –_

"Alright!" He hissed, looking pained. Emmett laughed as his bronze haired brother rubbed his temples. "That was just mean."

"I'm pleased to oblige."

"Alice, what time are – " Bella began, but winced as somebody kicked her.

"What time am I what?" I asked, puzzled.

"Working tonight," Emmett cut in smoothly. "I was – I mean we, were – "

"Going to drop by for some – " Jasper continued.

Rosalie looked panicked; her wide golden eyes flashed from one person to the next.

"Trail mix!" She finished, and the whole table slumped with relief.

I raised an eyebrow. "You want to know what time I'm working tonight so you can come by and buy some trail mix?"

Edward smiled. "I dared Emmett to eat some and keep it down for at least a day."

Emmett shuddered theatrically. "That was cruel, my brother."

"I'm working till six," I told Emmett, and then turned to Bella, starting up a conversation about English while pointedly ignoring Jasper.

In Biology, a note came across the table and stopped just in front of my microscope.

_Forgive me?_

I pulled a pen from my jeans pocket and scrawled back:

_If you promise never__ to do it again. And I mean _never_._

The paper rasped as it slid over the desk, and then again as it came back.

_Deal_.

A cold hand found mine beneath the desk and squeezed, and I slid silently over to share the microscope.

* * *

He was fully forgiven by the time the bell went at the end of class. We walked out into the parking lot and I automatically looked around fro my truck, before remembering it was at home.

A Volvo load of elder Cullens drove past, waving cheerily, each smiling the same radiant smile.

I whirled on Jasper. "Alright. What's going on?"

His face was that of a seraph – or perhaps an apprentice archangel. "I can't think what you mean."

"My mother is silent on the subject of birthdays. We have the oddest conversation at lunch because Bella said something she shouldn't, and you ran me to…" My voice trailed off.

"I really had no choice in the matter, did I?" I challenged. "You were going to run me to school whether I liked it or not, so you could kidnap me at the end of the day!"

He grinned, running a hand through his mess of blond hair. "Guilty."

I folded my arms. "I have to work."

"I called Mrs. Newton. She switched your shift with Mike."

As of July, I had worked at Newton's Olympic Outfitters, the outdoor equipment store run by Mike's parents.

Mike seemed to relish the opportunity this gave us away from Jasper; he seemed to regard me as a 'kept woman'. Oddly enough, the challenge seemed to make him even more interested, meaning Jasper had upped the ante and raised our number of PDAs in front of the store per week to two.

He made it ridiculously hard to keep my mind on the job.

"I have homework," I said feebly.

"Already done."

My temper flared. "Why do you insist on doing that? I hate it when you do that! It makes me feel incompetent."

He looked hurt. "This was an emergency."

Oh crap. Vampire puppy dog eyes.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, while unseen cold hands stroked the hair back from my temples.

I opened them to find his face inches from mine, topaz colored eyes like twin nuclear reactors with their ever changing pattern of pigments.

"Please – " He whispered, and I inhaled the intoxicating scent of his exhalation. "Don't be difficult."

"I'll kill you if this goes wrong," I warned. "And if you even think about singing 'Cumpleaños feliz', I'll – "

"Stake me?"

I cocked my head on one side.

"Does that even work?"

He laughed. "No."

I sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "Okay."

His face lit up. "Really? You'll come?"

I bent my knees and clambered onto his back. "Really. Now let's go to my vampire birthday party."


	4. I Love To Cry At Parties

**_Because I have and deep and abiding love for a certain yellow car...*hits random* No returns!  
_

* * *

3. I Love to Cry At Parties**

"Cumpleaños feliz!" Came the cry as we opened the front door.

"I hope live cockroaches nest in your brain, Jasper," I said sweetly.

He laughed, and kissed the top of my head. "Not my idea."

"Pinkie swear?"

He hooked his little finger with mine. "Pinkie swear."

Esme enveloped me in a hug the minute I crossed the threshold. She was wearing a flowing linen tunicy thing which enveloped me too, sending a fresh wave of scent my way.

Obviously not the way dead people normally smell.

"Happy birthday, dear," She said, gesturing with a draped linen sleeve. "What do you think?"

When I'd gotten over the hug I surveyed the room.

In one corner, the grand piano stood resplendent, as always. Next to it however, a table was covered in a white cloth. A slightly lopsided cake took pride of place in the center of the table, flanked on one side by a stack of glass plates.

On the other, there was a pile of neatly wrapped presents.

No! Things I would most probably like!

"It's lovely," I said. "Especially the cake."

Esme looked worried. "I hope you like it. The girls wanted to make you sponge but Emmett said no, chocolate was best."

"I was all for fruit," Carlisle interjected, draping an arm around his wife's shoulders. "But he really was that insistent."

Emmett looked a little awkward; tracing patterns on the floor with the toe of his shoe. "I thought you'd prefer it," He said quietly.

Emmett? Awkward?

The boys were never going to let him live it down.

"It's great," I reassured him, and was rewarded with a wide smile. "I love chocolate."

"So," Esme said, clapping her hands. "Present time!"

I reached for the smallest package, in the hope that it would be the least expensive. The tag said it was from Edward and Bella, and I removed the wrapping to find a copy (special edition; director's cut) of the vampire movie that Jasper hated so much.

I idly caressed the image on the cover with my fingertip, just to see the look on his face.

"What's his name again?" Rosalie asked wickedly, grinning at her 'twin'.

"Ro – "

"Time for more presents," Jasper cut in smoothly, and I broke off, grinning at my co-conspirator, who gave me a wink.

Carlisle and Esme had decided a slightly less controversial present. There was a thickly woven afghan with an interweaving pattern of blue and green.

"We don't want you getting frostbite off our son," Esme explained, and I laughed and duly thanked both of them.

Emmett and Rosalie's was largest and last, meaning Jasper had got me something unwrappable (cue scary music).

The paper was silver, and I didn't want to rip it; so I took my time over that present, working diligently until all the paper was off.

Then I lifted the lid.

"Jimmy Choos?"

Rosalie shook her blond hair back over her shoulders. "I know Jazz already got you some. But you just _have_ to have two pairs."

"Why?"

"One to wear…and one to look at."

Emmett guffawed. "I was all for buying you a steel plated mitt, actually, so you could join in our games."

I snorted. "I wouldn't be able to keep up with you, and you know it."

He laughed again. "Will you eat some cake now? Please?"

I grinned and Esme carefully cut a slice of cake and handed it to me on its glass plate, along with a fork.

"I'll have some of that."

There was a collective intake of breath as Jasper selected a fork and neatly sliced the end off my cake.

"You're eating?" I whispered.

He grinned. "Half of your birthday present."

He carefully forked up the piece of cake and, equally carefully, put it in his mouth. He chewed, and - with a slightly nauseated expression - swallowed.

"Thank you," I said, and for some absurd reason, my eyes were wet.

"You realize he's gonna have to cough that up later?" Emmett helpfully pointed out.

"I know," I sniffed. "But it's the thought that counts."

Jasper took my hand, wincing.

"Maybe sooner rather than later," He grimaced. "And now – for part number two."

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked, despairing of the stone cold hands over my eyes.

In an attempt to fox me, he's led me round the house (or what I assumed was the house) three times, and I was thoroughly confused.

We could've been in Ontario for all I knew.

"We're here now," he said, pulling me up short. "Now. Promise to behave appropriately."

"But – "

"Promise."

"But – "

"Promise!"

I heaved a sigh. "Alright. But if you've bought me diamonds I'm leaving you for Mike Newton."

He chuckled. "No diamonds, you'll be pleased to hear."

And he removed his hands.

The tableau in front of me was straight off the cover of _Car & Driver_. The Porsche, its finish satin smooth and flawless, glowed dimly in the dark garage.

I gingerly reached out and touched the silky paintwork.

"You'd better be glad that you can't remember your birthday," I grumbled. "I don't know how I'd top this. A party, hosted by the Hilton sisters? Your own personal slave. A small African and/or Eastern European nation?"

His arm snagged my waist and drew me back to his side.

"Just don't kick me again," Came the quiet voice from behind me. "I don't think I could stand any more broken toes."

I turned in his arms and stretched up high on my tiptoes to brush his cheek with my lips. His head whipped round in less than a millisecond and his lips caught mine.

"That's cheating."

"It isn't," I said, before kissing him again.


	5. An Unexpected Guest

**_I'm actually really ahead with Deep South - for every chapter I post, there are two waiting in the editing queue. I am literally on fire, guys!  
Remember: reviews = fuzzies. Fuzzies = ego boost. Ego boost = more chapters!  
_

* * *

4. An ****Unexpected Guest**

We returned upstairs to find the atmosphere much changed. It was cold, guarded – and downright hostile. I looked around, and immediately located the source of the problem.

Maria stood by the door, tiny, but still taller than me, lips curled elegantly back from her teeth in a dazzling smile.

Jasper shifted me behind him and snarled. Bella put a restraining hand on his arm.

"It's okay," She soothed, rubbing gently. "She just wants to talk."

"And to meet your human again," Maria purred, moving fluidly towards us. "Our last encounter was fascinating."

She closed her eyes but continued to move forward, nostrils flaring.

I shuddered in disgust when I realized she was being pulled in by my scent.

"Watch yourself," Edward said quietly, and Maria growled.

Her eyes opened when finally she stood before Jasper, peering around him to see me.

"She is pretty," She mused. "But you realize you'll repulse her when she's made vampire?"

Growls rolled around the room, and the men surreptitiously slid their mates behind them.

I was forced to re-evaluate Maria. How dangerous was she?

"When is that, by the way?" She continued, stunningly blasé. "Because you might want to explain the situation beforehand. Just so she doesn't get the shock of her life."

"What is she talking about?" I hissed, but Jasper shook his head.

"This is about _me_, you know," I pointed out. "Could you at least tell me what the hell she's going on about?"

He didn't even move to answer my question.

When I tried to move, his arms locked tight around me, pressing me into his back.

"Let me go!" I squeaked.

Maria trilled a long laugh. "Well, _chica_, let's just say…our eyesight is much better than yours. And what you think is perfect? It isn't. Oh, not at all. I hope you enjoy the experience." She laughed again.

"I think you should leave now," Carlisle said quietly. An expression akin to anger twisted his face, but Carlisle never got mad…

This was all my fault.

The carnivorous witch shook her head, shaking back a riot of black curls. "No, not yet. I too have a present for…well, I can't call her a sister in law, exactly – but…a comrade's future significant other, shall we say. An _ex_ comrade."

She reached into a deep pocket of her trench and pulled out an object that made the others recoil. I however, leaned closer, trying to make it out what it was.

The object was white, and desiccated. It was roughly the same shape as a five pointed star, but the spokes were out of proportion. One end was jagged, ragged, and red.

My stomach heaved as I recognized the object in her palm.

It was a human hand.

* * *

I had no sense of falling, though I knew afterward I did. I know that I slid slowly down to the floor, my eyes shut, my breathing shallow. I know growls and snarls reverberated around me, and my head was in someone's lap.

What I was first aware of, however, was the sound of a voice above me.

"No, Jasper, don't try and wake her up…her mind is trying to protect her from the shock…might do untold damage…"

I only caught snatches, but I recognized the voice, understood the meaning.

Carlisle.

Carlisle was telling Jasper not to wake me up by force, because I was traumatized, in shock from –

Something I would _not_ think about.

"She's coming round," Someone said quietly. Edward? "Her thoughts are getting more defined."

So it was Edward, then.

I forced my eyelids apart and looked up to see Carlisle and Jasper kneeling to one side of me me, as they had done once before, under quite different circumstances. A severed femoral artery, to be exact.

I wasn't sure whose lap I was in, until a dark curtain swept over my face.

Bella.

Esme re-entered the room, carrying a small bottle.

My head swam as I noticed the small patch of blood on the floor, the only reminder of Maria's presence.

And of her gift.

It took several tries to find my voice. "Where are Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked quietly.

Jasper's face was thunderous. "Chasing the bitch cross country."

"Why did she do it?" Bella asked, her voice soft and sweet from above my head.

Jasper had obviously been theorizing, as Edward nodded his assent to whatever was in his brother's head.

"I always suspected," Jasper began. "That during our time together, Maria harbored feelings for me. I think she hoped to make me her mate. And then I left her, which made her furious. And then she saw I'd found you, which made her even madder."

He sighed. "You shouldn't have had to see that. It was all my fault."

Carlisle put a gentle hand on his son's shoulder. "It was Maria's fault, and her fault alone." Then he turned his attention to me. "How are you feeling, Alice?"

"A little woozy," I admitted.

"You gave us a shock," Esme said, quietly scrubbing at the stain on the floor. "There we all were, completely repulsed by – by that thing – and you should know, Alice – there is nothing more disgusting to a vampire than old flesh – and then you went down, white as a sheet, and I thought all hell was going to break loose."

"It almost did," Edward added. "I don't think I've ever seen you so angry, Jazz."

His beautiful brother's teeth were clenched. "I could have killed her."

"Then she shot off like a bat out of hell when she heard Jasper roar, and Emmett and Rose bolted after her," Bella finished.

I covered my face with my hands. "I can't believe this. Is there some victim's phone book with my name at the top? Am I, like, the true north on all evil compasses or something?"

Edward chuckled gently. "Well, it was a vacated spot."

"Huh?"

He shook his head. "Bella'll tell you someday."

The girl in question eased me up into a sitting position, supporting my shoulders with her cool arm.

Jasper stood up, running a hand through his curly hair. "I should take you home."

"Good idea. You might have to carry me, though."

A ghost of a grin tugged up the corners of his mouth. "As I've said before – I've carried heavier _boxes_."


	6. Waiting

**_Right now, I want to clout Jasper. And I wrote him.  
_

* * *

5. Waiting**

I was afraid of what was going to happen when he got me home. His eyes were dead as we drove, and it felt almost as if I was looking at a corpse.

_Like in Romeo and Juliet_, I thought. _Brilliant plot there, Will – Romeo talks about Juliet looking like she's in her grave and voila! She is!_

For some reason, this made me shiver.

Probably remembering the last time I'd quoted Romeo and Juliet.

I'd closed my eyes and prayed on the ground when I bled near him. I'd gone to my death with my cheeks aflame. I'd faced James with curses on my tongue. Jasper had knelt at my side and watched me die with nothing but fear and passion in his eyes.

Even as my life had ended, he hadn't had this dead, glazed over look. With his pallor, he looked like a wax doll.

But someone had forgotten to paint the smile on.

Jasper parked up a little way away from my drive, and I turned to him almost immediately.

"I'm sorry."

The lifeless eyes flamed and I almost sighed with relief.

"Sorry? What should you have to be sorry for? It's me who should be apologizing, so don't say you're sorry."

"Is there any way I can apologize for apologizing without actually saying the S word?"

He seemed to think about it for a moment. "No."

I toughed his arm, and it was cold and stiff, knuckles white as he clenched the steering wheel.

My temper roared to life. "Why are you mad with me then? And don't say you're not, because you've treated me like a leper ever since I passed out!"

He flinched. "It's not that I'm angry. I've just been thinking."

"About what?"

"About right and wrong, actually."

Another shiver ran through me, though there was no reason for it. It was just those words – almost as if I'd heard them before…an odd sense of déjà vu settled upon me. I was dreading whatever came next, even before I could coherently think about it.

"Can we talk?" he asked abruptly.

"Are we not…talking?"

"Talk and walk. Can we talk and walk?"

"Sure," I said hesitantly. "Will just the woods do, or…"

"The woods will be fine."

He moved slowly to get my door, at human speed, procrastinating. Stretching out the minutes that lay between us.

Why?

Why?

WHY?

He didn't take my hand, as he usually did; he simply closed the door behind me and took the lead into the forest, winding between hemlocks and spruces which looked eerie in the dusk.

Or perhaps it was just my new state of mind.

He kept to the path, which was strange too. He'd once explained to me that he didn't like paths, that he found paths restricting, confining – maybe he needed some restraint right now.

But why was he leading me deeper and deeper into the green maze?

Had he gotten bored, and decided to take my life right now?

What else could it be?

But I'd kill him if it was that, he knew I would.

So where was he taking me?

He finally stopped and turned to face me in a patch of forest that was almost identical to every other point we'd ever passed, running or otherwise.

"So," I said, pulling my sleeves down to meet my cold fingers and blowing on my fingertips. "What do you want to talk about?"

He traced patterns with his foot, not unlike the way Emmett had done an hour or so earlier.

A lifetime or so earlier.

"We're leaving," He said finally, not meeting my eyes.

"What?" I heard, I just didn't comprehend.

"We're leaving, Alice. Forks, and…and you."

My heart started palpitating and the look on his face made me sure he picked up the new, desperate rhythm. My freezing palms became slick with sweat as I asked through cold lips, "But you'll stay in touch…right?"

"No, Alice." His no was perfectly straightforward, and he finally raised his eyes from the dirt...

Just as I wished I was buried beneath it.

"I think it's right," He continued, sounding perfectly normal and sane at all times. "If we have a clean break. You keep out of my life, and I'll keep out of yours."

"But…why?"

My sight was so blurred with tears that I couldn't see his lips move to form my answer.

"I've grown tired, Alice. We immortals, we…let's just say…immortality is a _very_ long time to spend in one place. You didn't expect me to stay forever, did you?"

My mouth formed the only answer I knew. Because it was true, and because his teasing tone broke my heart.

"Yes," I whispered.

He threw back his head and laughed. The echoes bounced off the trees, bell like and perfect.

"Silly Alice," He said. "You're _human_. And I'm not. So let's just continue that way, shall we?"

The words were twisted snakes, spiting acid and bile and venom into my face. Every cell in my body shrieked _lies, lies, lies_!

But I believed the liar. So he couldn't be lying.

My mouth formed a coherent sentence. On its own. "If that's…what you want."

"It is."

I swiped a hand viciously over my streaming eyes, and for a moment his mocking face slipped.

But it was only for a second.

His topaz colored eyes were glittering and jewel bright as they seemed to drink in mine, as if trying to memorize the color or shape. Then he spoke. "Just…don't do anything stupid or…I don't know…_reckless_."

I laughed, weakly. "Reckless in Forks. Impossible."

His laughter joined mine and took another piece of my heart away with it.

"Impossible," He agreed, and then turned faster than light and left me.

I followed him, of course. What choice did I have?

I followed him so that I could suppress, so that I could hold back. Rationalize. Keep myself together.

My feet were too fast for a heartbeat with no more speed than a clock, ticking out the hours. Slow, heavy, it beat a funeral dirge now, a tattoo of pain against my ribs. It was as reluctant to go on as I was, but it knew, as I did, that there are some things you just can't give up on. Some things you just can't stop following.

Some things you just can't stop fighting for.

I walked until my knees buckled, and then I crumpled into the bracken and lay still while the world ended and the sky turned to blood.

I was dead.


	7. October

**

* * *

6. October**

I've watched the movies.

I've listened to the music.

I've eaten the ice cream, the cake and the candy bars.

But it doesn't get_ any easier_.


	8. November

**

* * *

7. November**

I keep waiting for the clock to tick.

For the phone to ring.

For the birds to sing.

They can't just have stopped because this is the end of everything.


	9. December

**_I'm sorry that this is so angsty. only three more months (because Jazz and Allie are _way_ stronger than Edward and Bella and can cope that long - and no, that does not make their love any less strong, is just makes them _slightly_ less obsessive than our favourite 'Marry me!' 'Bite me!' 'Marry me!' 'Bite me!' couple._  


* * *

8. December**

I breathe in the smells of Christmas – the cinnamon, the orange, the cloves and the pine sap.

I would lie under the tree for hours as a child and inhale the resin, because it made me think of dark, mysterious pine forests and hidden castles, and of stories yet to be told.

My story no longer has a genre.

Romance? No.

Humor? No.

Where do I fit in on the bookshelf?

Where is my niche anymore?


	10. January

**_Due to the brilliance of SparklingTopazEyes, leaving someone will forever more be known as 'pulling an Edward'. Also 'Didn't he learn from Edward?' Brilliant. Absolutely fabulicious.  
Now, roll on with the angst.  
_

* * *

9. January**

Oh, another year. Another eight thousand, seven hundred and sixty six (if you count the quarter day) hours to be filled up with something meaningful. Something _exciting_.

Christopher McCandless died as he walked through the wilderness.

I wander and I wander, with no hope of death in sight.

Breathing is easy.

Living is harder.


	11. February

**_Almost there, my loves.  
Almost there.  
_

* * *

10. February**

I am surrounded by flowers.

Bouquets of red and white and yellow roses drench my room with heavy, sweet, syrupy perfume.

To date, I have received bouquets from Tyler Crowley (apparently still not over his almost murder of me last year), Mike Newton, Eric Yorkie and my parents.

_What_? I scream at myself. _Were you expecting a card? Or better still, an interview with the vampire_?

I have no answer for myself.


	12. March, or Choices

**_Finally (finally!) here it is! Here it is! A chapter not involving four lines and more angst than you can shake a stick at! Okay, there is still angst, but it's rather muted by the fact that there is a resurfacing.  
Also, what I'd especially like to point out is that in New Moon, yes, I know Bella's suffering, but she doesn't realise quite how selfish she's being to all the people around her. Because of course nobody's pain could _ever_ rival hers.  
Disclaimer: I love Bella Swan dearly. Really, I do. Please don't kill me!_  
_Enjoy, if you have been faithful enough to stick with me throughout...  
_

* * *

11. March, **_**or**_** Choices**

I am drowning.

It seems odd enough, but I am drowning.

My eyes are open and I can see the surface, barely an inch above my face.

A few silvery bubbles escape my lips as I ponder, each a precious breath never to be retaken.

I feel the strongest desire to live.

After six months, I want to breathe without my lungs catching. I want to see without a veil of tears. I want my heart to beat without breaking.

And then I break the surface.

I have woken up.

* * *

I sat in the bathtub for a long, long time while the water cooled around me, thinking over my decision.

After months of indecisiveness, I had made a choice.

I hadn't even..._thought_...that I wanted to live. All that had consumed me was my own black need for to dig my nails into the thing that hurt me most and keep it by my side. I _had_ to hold onto the memories, because my fickle human brain could not be trusted to do it on its own.

There was a time when I had fought to remain human, to hang onto the same senses and feeling which were familiar to me. I hadn't wanted to step into something new with no hope of return.

Now that future was lost forever.

Perhaps, though, by thinking happy, I could become happy.

Yes! That's what I'd do!

If Mike Newton asked me on a date, I'd agree, with a smile, because it would make him happy.

If Lauren felt the need to bitch about someone, I would patiently listen, not commenting, because that was what she needed of me.

I could try and bring Jessica and Mike together...

Yes! And there was that Ben guy Angela liked! They would only need a gentle nudge in the right direction, the foundation work was there already...and they would be so happy together.

Yes. A new lease on life. Alice Brandon - best friend, confidante, social butterfly.

Alice Brandon as she had been.

* * *

My plan fell through within a week.

I had changed, yes. I was more aware. More in control.

But my fingers wept blood as I clenched the underside of the desk in Biology, fighting the memories that swirled around me in the all too familiar room.

The empty table in one corner of the cafeteria looked as dead as I did. We, both of us, had been robbed of the beauty which had lit up our entire existences.

Great. So I'm sympathizing with a table now.

But that didn't mean that my efforts weren't worthwhile. I worked harder than I ever had before because it took up my time, and I duly knocked myself out with sleeping pills every night so that even if I was bound and gagged in my nightmares, at least I didn't scream myself awake.

They didn't even deserve the plural. It was simply the same dream, over and over again.

I ran through a square whose high stone walls were ocher colored and ornamented with long tongues of red. Red fire? Red silk? I didn't know. The earth shuddered beneath my feet but still I ran on, desperately searching an entity which, oddly enough, had nothing to do with preserving my own life.

A block of faceless, shapeless _things_ roiled around me, blocking my path, but I fought my way through them until the temperature suddenly changed, and my whole world turned to ice. There was cold, frozen water everywhere, carved into exquisite shapes.

In the dream, I stepped closer to one of them, a beautiful Adonis of sparkling crystal, whose face was so alien and beautiful that I went to touch it...

And my hot skin destroyed it, sending it and those surrounding it into a great mass of water which slowly rose, filing the room until I was drowning in the salty, bilious liquid.

I would see him then, for a brief second before my life slipped away - a glorious mixture of gold and white lighting up the horizon of my tortured eyes. He would extend a hand to me, temptingly, teasingly just beyond the grasp of my fingers...

And then I would sink, deeper and deeper into the murk of the sea, eventually losing sight of the angel as I drifted further and further into the blackness, until the darkness was absolute.

I'd been told not to take the pills every night.

On the nights when I didn't, the screaming started about then. Because I was helpless and weak, and had nothing to hold on to.

* * *

So one morning, I decided that I was going to thwart my dreams.

I would find a place so stamped and so marked by _him_ that there could be no escaping his presence.

It might kill me.

It might tear me in two.

But I knew _exactly_ where to start.


	13. Tumbling Down

**_Only one more exam to go, chillun! Wish me luck!  
_

* * *

12. Tumbling Down**

I walked through the forest, hugging my sides to hold myself together. Even if I was on the way to being halfway healed, I still harbored the worry that not hanging onto myself hard enough would result in me tearing down the middle.

The forest was silent and green, as it always was. The light precipitation that fell was oddly pleasant against my skin, I who had been inside for so long.

The problem was that I didn't know how many hours I'd walked for before finally letting go. I'm not even sure how I got home afterward.

I pushed the thought aside as the edges of my internal wounds festered, threatening to bleed afresh.

I needed to be strong today.

The undergrowth was ever the same; bracken and ferns crushing and oozing underfoot, coating the soles of my shoes with sticky green sap and chlorophyll.

But still I walked, shifting tree fronds and branches out of my way, half praying that I wouldn't find what I sought, and half wishing that I would.

* * *

I came upon it quite by accident. The only way the place was recognizable was by the spruce, bent double like an arched bow which had sheltered us as I had undergone the most painful transition of my life.

From wanted to unwanted.

I froze about a foot away, not caring that the pounding raindrops had increased in tempo and volume.

My insides slowly froze, iced over, and I stood mute, staring at the tree and at the ghostlike figures that I fancied I saw beneath it.

Once was the most beautiful creature ever beheld. His golden curls echoed those of a seraph, as his painfully pale skin reflected the weak, watery sunshine.

Next to him stood a human girl, tiny, and hideous by comparison. She showed signs of happiness now faded – her spiky hair was in disarray and her cheeks were flushed as she listened to what the archangel had to say.

I turned my head on its stiff stalk of a neck away from the picture.

I'd already replayed that scene too many times to count.

The rain came down so hard that it bounced off whatever it touch, ricocheting off my head where my hair was plastered wetly to my scalp.

All of a sudden it stopped, and I looked up to see the large gray canopy of an umbrella above my head.

When I turned to see who carried it, a pair of warm but wary dark eyes met mine.

"Are you okay?" the person asked.

I shook my head, dumb.

"Hey – you're that Hale kid's girlfriend, aren't you?"

To all intents and purposes – no. But in essence – yes.

I nodded.

There was a new voice, a female one, coming closer, calling.

Person #1 turned away to greet Person #2, and they briefly conversed in a liquid language that I didn't recognize. The bracken hissed as they shifted, nervously.

A warm arm wound its way round my shoulders, and I shivered, beginning to realize that I was soaked through with temperatures in the forties.

"Poor honey," said the female voice. "How long has it been now? Six months?"

I flinched, and nodded.

The other chuckled. "Blatant disregard for a human's wellbeing? That's got to count for something."

"Hush up, Jared," said the one with her arm around my shoulders. "I need to get her inside and out of these wet things before she freezes."

"You want me to go ahead and tell Sam?" Jared offered.

"Yes. And make sure he's taken the muffins out of the oven. He'd slaughter the poor things if I didn't remind him." She chuckled, indulgently.

"Sure, Emily." Jared handed her the umbrella and bounded off into the trees, where if I squinted hard enough I could see a lightening and a thinning of foliage.

"I'm Emily Young," said Emily Young. "And you're gonna just fine from now on, Alice, I promise."

Strange though it seems, I believed her.

Perhaps it was because Emily Young was like me – scarred. But hers were external, making one side of her beautiful face look raked, pulling the corners of her eye and mouth down.

But she radiating such serenity, such sensibility; such happiness.

My heart cracked a little as I realized that Emily Young was in love.

Because I recognized all of that – the glow which made you feel as if you must have an aura of white light, the happiness which make you float a few feet off the ground, the assurance that you were safe that could only come when you came first with someone – anyone.

But came most easily when you loved, and were loved in return.

Emily began to slowly lead me forwards, somehow finding a path that was less cluttered with debris than the one I'd tramped through the forest.

She seemed to understand that I needed _not_ to speak, and couldn't even if I tried.

"Where are you taking me?" I said finally, and was rewarded with a beam.

"La Push," she said. "One, you're soaking. And two – well. Two they can explain for themselves. But though you may not know it Alice, you're very important to all of us."

"Why?" I asked, but she shook her head.

"I can't tell you now. It's not my place."

We walked on in silence, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. Emily's maternal edge seemed to make it impossible to _be_ awkward around her. She had the gentility of someone who has never been far from the people she loves, and I ached with the longing to feel the same.

* * *

The house, when we reached it, was the second one I'd seen in my life which reminded me of a picture book.

This one, however, was for an entirely different reason.

The house was a perfect square, with two square windows on the ground floor and two above. It was dour and made of grim stone; but the window boxes were filled with yellow and orange marigolds.

And against my better judgment, I smiled.


	14. Learning To Dance

**_Hey, guys. Sorry I've been AWOL for so long, but I'm back on form after a temporary case of writer's block (or I hope I am).  
I went to see Twilight in the cinema. It rocked. Me and two friends stood in the freezing cold for over an hour, just discussing how scary Jackson is as Jasper (and brilliant).  
But Carlisle? Hose me down! I never though he'd be so HOT. Everyone was amazing, but the hotness on his part simply took me by surprise.  
And to the haters - I loved everyone in it. Nuff said.  
Hope you had a good Christmas!  
BTW, can you imagine? You would be getting the first Deep South chapter in a _few days_! How scary would that be?  
LOL._  


* * *

13. Learning To Dance**

Hours spent in Emily's tiny house grew into days. Weeks. I could soon name every wide, good natured face I saw, and could name their children (if they had any), their pets (if they had any), and their favorite candy (if they wanted any).

Healing didn't begin that first day. It didn't begin the next I spent at La Push, or the one after that.

Healing is a process which allows scars to form, and where the participants are aware that the marks will be omnipresent until the day they die. It is not an erasing. It is not a disappearance.

But slowly Emily coaxed me into _being_, and I grew to love her. I loved her fiancé, Sam, and the rag-tag mob of overgrown boys always following him, each with a wink or a smile for yours truly.

So it was a least a fortnight before they told me their secret.

* * *

"Werewolves?" I said, quietly despairing.

Sam nodded. "Yes, Alice. We call ourselves protectors. We evolved so that we could protect humans from…the cold ones."

"Cold ones?"

Emily took my hand, squeezing it gently. "You might know them by another name." She paused. "Another word you don't like to mention."

Ah. Right. That word.

"You – you know about them?" I spluttered.

Sam and Emily nodded, looking both somber and comical at the same time.

"And…does this have anything to do with why I'm apparently so important to the Quileutes?"

They nodded in unison again.

"Um. Okay. Good. I have to – I gotta – " I gestured wildly at the door, and they let me go as I pelted out into the dense forest.

* * *

"One just wasn't enough, was it?" I said furiously to myself, stomping on every green thing I passed. "No, I have to go and discover _two_ bands of mythical creatures living in Forks and tough cookies, Alice, because you're some special person or something, only you – "

"Hello, Alice."

I looked up, startled, to see a pale figure disentangle itself from the trees and come quietly forward, stepping carefully over dead branches so as to remain as silent in its advance as it had been in its approach.

He caught my confused expression. "Remember me?" He took a debonair pose against one of the trees. "From last year?"

"Laurent," I breathed.

He nodded, grinning as he came forward. "I'm _so_ glad to see that James didn't have his wicked way with you after all. Not that I'm adverse to wicked ways, it's just James' idea of pleasure is a little…_different_...to anybody else's."

"You mean he was a sadist," I said bluntly.

"Oh, come now. Variety being the spice of life and all."

I cautiously shifted my leg onto a denser patch of leaves; the leg which bore James' scar.

"But – " He said, taking another catlike step closer and grinning wider. "To business."

I gulped. "Business?"

What worried me the most was that his eyes were black as pitch. The halo of red around the iris told me he hadn't become vegetarian since last we met.

"What do you know of the bonds between our kind?"

"Um – " I thought for a minute. "James was…Victoria's mate? Is that right?"

He nodded his assent. "Yes. That is correct. And we believed that you were the blond boy's…what was his name?"

"Jasper," I said quietly, ignoring the spasm of pain which rocked through me and standing my ground. That was what you were supposed to do with predators…wasn't it?

"Ah," said Laurent, twirling a lock of hair. "Yes. Jasper. Now, we believed you were his mate. The death of a mate is the most terrible blow an immortal can receive, you know."

"Is that so?"

I hoped that he wouldn't notice me slowly edging back towards the village but he did, and he was at my side in a flash.

"Don't go," He purred, silky and seductive, right in my ear. I shivered at the blast of breath that was like air from a freezer.

_Stay absolutely still…_

Jasper? What are you doing in my head?

_The adrenaline rush is causing you to hallucinate._

Oh, fabulous.

I zoned out of my mock conversation before the pain could hit and turned instead to Laurent.

_Tell him about the wolves._

"Yeah, well," I said, ignoring the proximity between his teeth and my neck. "Since the Cullens moved on, I've made some new friends. Great friends, in fact."

"They've moved on?"

_Shit._

Shit.

"Big family, y'know," I gabbled. "So they moved just up the road – big, big house went up for sale in Seattle. They do visit, though. Every day, in fact."

He didn't believe me.

_Lie, Alice. LIE!_

"In fact, I was expecting Jasper here. That's…that's why…why I…" I trailed off as his lips inched closer to my pulsing jugular.

"You're a liar," he said softly. "They haven't been here for weeks."

"You n-never…n-never…" I caught myself. "You never did explain your reasoning for the whole Vampires 101 lesson."

_Good. Distract him._

"You're procrastinating," Laurent chuckled, casually toying with a strand of my hair. "But I'll tell you anyway. You see, Alice…Victoria's very, very cross with you."

"With _me_? What did I do?"

He laughed again. "It seems a little backward to me too. In essence however, here are the facts – Jasper killed Victoria's mate. So she decided to kill…his mate."

"Ah."

"It's fortunate that I happened upon you, really," He said, lifting my hair away from my neck. "She had some really, _really_ nasty things planned for you. But oh, what the hey. I'm thirsty."

"Will it hurt?" I asked in a tiny mouse squeak.

_Youtakeyourhandsoffheryoumangycursonofapieceoffilth_ –

"No. Just one quick snap, and you'll be done."

_Alice! Alice!_

OhIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouJasper –


	15. Broken Like Me

**_Please hop along to my profile and do the poll there - it's v. important to me that I have your opinion. And thank you to everyone who welcomed me back. Jasperinmyroom returns!  
_

* * *

14. Broken Like Me**

The lips on my throat were not caressing, but possessive; ponderously searching for the place where the blood pumped hardest, strongest.

"Close your eyes," The vampire advised, but I ignored him. I stared unseeingly into the thick of the wood, seeing and not seeing places where I knew _our_ scent would still linger. The meadow. The baseball clearing. The bowed spruce.

Places where, fleetingly, I had been happy.

Except the last.

I found the idea of no more pain oddly inviting, even as my body shied away from the chill on my throat. Would giving up be a good idea? I mean, it wasn't as if I could outrun him.

A sudden roar ripped from the trees at my back and we both spun to see a silver gray shape come pelting from the woodland, heading straight toward us.

Laurent threw me down and began to run, as if he was _scared_ of the creature. But why would a vampire fear an oversized dog?

The wolf halted at my side, giant paws slipping on the dead leaves, looking at me expectantly.

"I'm fine," I told it, and it yipped once, giving me a quick and almost maternal once over with its snout. Then it bounded away, not after Laurent, but towards a slightly denser patch of forest.

What came out of the trees was not a wolf. Her black hair was long and sleek as a panther, providing sharp contrast to her russet skin and flashing white teeth, which she bared at me in a grin.

"Hello," said the girl. "My name is Leah Clearwater."

"Clearwater?" I asked, gripping the hand she offered and levering myself off the ground. "Are you Seth's sister?"

Leah Clearwater nodded once, coal black hair swishing over her shoulder and back. "Wolf boy is my little brother."

"Are you a wolf girl, then?"

She tilted her head back and laughed, startling a nearby jay which shot into the air. "Yeah. I'm a wolf girl. Are you a vampire girl?"

I considered for a moment.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm a vampire girl."

* * *

Leah explained some things to me as she took me on a long, quiet walk around La Push. We didn't see anyone, which made me think there was some higher purpose I was intended to glean from the conversation.

Her story was long, winding, and sad, and I cried a few tears for the girl who had had her love wrenched away by fate. The tears were not all for Leah and Sam; there were parallels too easy to draw, if I looked.

I couldn't help liking Leah – she was broken like me.

I instantly resolved to become more like her; she had to run with Sam every day, had to look him in the eye and not break down. She had to talk to Emily without guile, help plan her cousin's wedding, even – the wedding that should have been Leah's. Her burden was so much heavier than mine, yet she did not bow beneath the weight, as I did.

* * *

We ended up, unsurprisingly enough, outside the house that belonged to Quil Ateara and his grandfather. No one quite knew what had become of the younger Quil's parents – whether they were traveling; gone; dead, even.

"Whose is that?" I asked, surprising Leah who had had her head bowed in thought. Her eyes traveled along the length of my arm to my pointing finger.

The bike was little more than rust and parts now, but I could see traces of glory still lingering in the black gloss paint and peeling rubber handlebars.

"That bike," said Leah, the trace of a smile at the back of her voice. "Belonged to Jacob Black. Kind of a local legend around here."

"Jacob Black?" Something about the name rang a bell – faintly, dimly – right at the back of my head, where I hid things too painful to go through again.

"Jacob Black."

* * *

"So who was he, anyway?" I inquired, slinging my raincoat on an old rack as we entered.

Old Quil came rolling down the hall to greet us, his wide face crinkled into a smile. He took my cold hands and held them in his too warm ones for a minute before releasing me.

"Quil," said Leah brusquely, ignoring the head which popped out of the nearby living room. "Not you. Alice wants to know about Jacob Black."

Old Quil sucked in his breath, and the sagging skin of his cheeks flapped. "What about Jacob Black?" He asked, warily.

"Oh, just the basics."

His smile returned. "Well come on in, girls, and sit yourselves down. Quil!" He barked at his grandson. "Fetch these ladies some lemonade."

Quil slunk out of the room we were entering, waving merrily at me as he darted toward the kitchen.

Leah and I sat side my side on the battered couch, and Old Quil patted my knee.

"Jacob Black," He rumbled. "Hmmm. Well, here goes. Jacob Black loved a girl, see – " I swallowed. "And by all accounts, she loved him too. But she loved someone else more, and that someone else became her husband. Ain't no mysteries, save one – Jacob Black phased and ran off on the day of the wedding. And he _never _came back."

"Ever?"

"Nope."

"And that's his motorcycle, out back?"

"Yup."

Connections – Jacob – motorcycle – reservation – a beautiful face in my mind, a face that should have been kept locked up, behind the barriers of my mind where it belonged.

"What was her name?" I demanded.

Quil quietly entered and set down a tray of tall glasses and gingersnaps at my elbow. He then hovered there, waiting, like the others.

Old Quil feigned innocence. "Whose name, honey?"

"The girl's! The girl who Jacob Black loved! What was her name?"

There was a long, pregnant pause. The air was heavy with the sweet, heavy smell of lemons and the even heavier one of sorrow – the sorrow of a boy long since gone, and of a girl still here.

Old Quil looked me in the eyes, readying me for what I knew was coming.

"Isabella Swan," He said quietly.

* * *

I don't know how I got out the house. In fact, I'm not even sure how I left the room.

All I know is that five minutes later I was down on First Beach, my face pressed into the stones, sobbing as if my heart would break.

As if it wasn't broken already.

They came for me, 157 seconds and almost as many painful heartbeats later. Emily pressed her ruined cheek against mine and wrapped her comforting warmth around me. Smaller, more agile Leah curved around both of us like an avenging angel, locking my sorrow in its own crystal cage.

"They shouldn't have told you," said Emily, with a glare for her cousin's benefit. "It wasn't the right time."

"When would it have ever been the right time, Emily?" I sniffed, and I felt Leah's hair brush my shoulder as she dipped her head in assent.

Every part of me hurt, ached. My throat, my face, and my heart; oh, my poor heart…

I wiped my sore eyes with my sore hands and wished with every tiny piece of my poor, sore heart for oblivion.

* * *

**_Yes, I know it's depressing. But good news - not too many more chapters without our wonderful hero! That does, however, depend on the outcome of my poll, so vote quickly, and the chapters will come even faster. Oh, and review too, I guess. *Gathers reviews to bosom and hugs them*_**


	16. Glass Roses In Port Angeles

* * *

**15. Glass Roses In Port Angeles**

"You have to get out of here."

I looked up from the eggs I was whisking to see Emily's face close to mine, her pretty and mangled features twisted into an expression of obvious concern. Leah sat at the nearby table, her face a mirror image of Emily's sorrow.

"You're using La Push to hide," She accused, standing up to come and flank me. "You can't stay away from Forks forever."

I kept my eyes on the bowl. "I go to school, don't I?"

"And here straight afterward. School is the only place you'll go where _he_ was."

I flinched automatically and Emily laid a hand on my shoulder. "It's not that we don't want you. But the longer you leave it, the harder it will be."

"Okay," I said brightly, blinking hard. "Where do you want me to go?"

Leah sighed. "We don't want you to go anywhere. We want you to _want_ to go somewhere."

Emily scowled at her cousin. "Leah. Anyway, why don't _we_ go somewhere? The girls, how about that? What about Port Angeles?"

I winced as I remembered an evening during the summer. One of our few 'official' dates. My parents thought I was having a sleepover with Bella and Rosalie. In reality, I was eating dinner in Bella Italia and lying beneath the stars with their beautiful brother, while he named the constellations too far away for me to see.

_Strong like Leah_, I told myself, gritting my teeth.

"Sure. Port Angeles."

* * *

We window-shopped mostly, and I must have looked a sight – tiny as a child between the two tall, graceful Quileute girls.

I felt guilty, too. I was forcing Leah to spend yet more time with Emily, when I knew she burned as fiercely as I did. It seemed as if they'd let bygones be bygones; only in an occasional flash from her eyes did I really understand how much pain she was in.

The streets were quiet; dim – a soft spring fog swirling around our feet as we passed the smaller thrift stores on the outskirts of the commercial sector.

"Thunderbird and Whale!" Emily squealed. "Lee-Lee, remember Mrs. Wallace, the part time assistant? She made the best snickerdoodles I've ever had." Her face turned pensive. "I wonder if she'd give me the recipe…"

I shied away from the bookstore a little – my reading habits had shrunk to a few _safe_ books; light, frothy tales of shopping and fun, with not even a whiff of my ultimate taboo – romance. I could no longer read the dark classics which used to enchant me; the presence of a creature sharing their age and experience had made my reintroduction to the stories far too pleasurable to leave my vault of memories, so much like waking dreams now.

"Do you guys mind if I – " I gestured to a narrow side alley, not at all sure where it led.

"Down there?" Leah looked a little mystified. "If you want to, I guess. Shall we meet you by the car?"

"Yeah, yeah," I nodded vigorously, wishing I could fly away from the hateful, hateful books, with their stories of forbidden love bleeding like ink through the pages. "I shouldn't be more than a few minutes. I'm on my way to look for – something."

They let me go, and, in the place of something better, I darted down the alley. Bits of old newssheet blew around my feet and something skittered over the concrete nearby.

The alley opened out into a slightly wider street, but it was no less dingy. Neon signs told me that I had entered the part of town that tourists weren't supposed to see.

"Hey baby," Someone slurred.

A little way ahead of me, beneath the overhang of a bar's awning stood a group of guys, not much older than kids. They could only have had a few years on me, tops.

The tallest guy came forward, swinging a bottle by its neck in one hand. He didn't look like he was going to throw or smash it.

Somewhere in my core I relaxed a little.

_Go back to Leah and Emily._

I smiled. Back, are we?

_Can't you see what a dangerous situation you're putting yourself into? Go back, dammit!_

No. I don't think I will. Somebody only likes turning up when I'm in a situation _he_ wouldn't like. Well, tough.

I took another step towards the guy, arranging my features in a way that was meant to be alluring, though my real intention was to irritate the velvet voice in my head.

_Alice!_

Tell me - what are you? Have I gone crazy? Are you subliminal wish fulfillment or something?

_I told you before. The adrenaline rush is causing you to hallucinate. Now will you please go _back_!_

No. I don't want to.

"Babe." The guy had stopped in front of me, breathing beery fumes down into my face. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Though I was meant to be annoying Jasper, such a corny line got on my nerves. This guy didn't want me for anything even _vaguely_ related to love. I was as objective to him as a table lamp.

"No," I said shortly. "You'll have to walk by at least a couple more times."

"And what if I don't want to?" He asked, taking a heavy step forward.

_Why must you be so irresponsible? This is not about my ego, this is about you!_

"I don't care!" I said loudly, and it was disconcerting to realize that I was arguing with both of them.

"Well," said the guy, coming closer. "I do. Come and have a drink."

_Don't you even think about it._

Oo, look, I'm going away with the scary people –

_This is _not_ funny!_

The drunk grabbed my arm and my heart genuinely jolted. His grip was too hard, and I squealed in surprised pain as he began pulling me forwards.

_Why do you never listen to me?_

Shut up!

I dug my heels into the sidewalk, refusing to move even an inch, despite the tugging on my arm.

A familiar sound came catapulting from the alleyway behind me – that roar again. But she wouldn't phase, not here in plain sight!

The guy peered behind me. "Hello?"

"Do excuse my sister," I said cheerfully. "She's on a week out from the facility."

He gulped. "Facility?"

"Yeah. Mentally unstable, y'know."

He dropped my arm like it was on fire. "Another time, sugar."

"Anytime, loser."

He began to run back toward the overhang, just as my arm was gripped from behind. I gasped and spun around, but it was only Emily.

"Are you alright?" She cried, looking into my face. "I _never_ come down here unless Sam's with me! I should have remembered – "

"Did Leah phase?" I demanded.

"No! Why would she – "

"Then who made that noise?"

She looked puzzled. "What noise?"

"The roar, the roar just now!" Her face remained blank. "It made Laurent run away before, I just assumed it was Leah!"

"Alice, she's a werewolf – if anything, she barks."

"Then who – "

Leah came pelting down the alley toward us, eyes wide.

"Are you alright?" She asked urgently. "Where is he?"

Now it was my turn to look confused. "Where's who?"

"The bl – cold one! The scent is all over the alley walls, he must have been there!"

A vampire?

There was a vampire behind me?


	17. The Devil Gave Me Pop Tarts

**_I get really sick of writing angst while I wait for Jasper to come back (his decision, not mine), so I hope this dispels all the annoying emoness that has gone before it.  
_

* * *

16. ****The Devil Gave Me Pop Tarts**

_My immortal heart is breaking and these dreams__,  
They are not waking  
Me up,  
Me up,  
It's the monster I have made myself into._

I turned off the stereo with a sigh, ignoring the anxious faces behind and beside me.

"I'm fine," I mumbled for the umpteenth time. Of course, I hadn't meant to faint so dramatically when Leah _finally_ got round to mentioning the V word. It was simply a case of one minute I was upright; the next I wasn't.

"I'm an easy fainter. It's fine. I'm fine."

"I still think we should have gotten you something to eat," said Emily, running a hand through her dark hair, tangled from the wind.

I gritted my teeth. "Not from _there_."

Naturally, Bella Italia had been the nearest eatery to my passing out location.

I'd rather faint a _million_ times than go in there again.

"But – "

"Emily, rearrange the letters O and N." Her face fell and my gut twisted, but I was so wrapped up in my own misery that the most I felt was a little nausea at my selfishness.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, resting my head on my upturned palms. "Just not there. Not now. Even this trip was a bad idea."

Leah laughed. "Yeah. Trust _you_ to run into the most dangerous thing in Port Angeles."

"_Things_," I pointed out, and the car fell silent.

I gazed out of the window, wondering where my mysterious protector was now. Was he – or she – a vegetarian? If not, why had he – or she – left me alive? Or even protected me in the first place?

It didn't make sense. To the extent of my (very limited) knowledge, aside from the – ones I used to know, and their cousins in Alaska, no other – cold ones were vegetarians. At least, not that they knew of. And, omniscient as they had been, how could they possibly be wrong?

The trees began to invade my line of vision, black now in the twilight. Occasionally I would spy a small pair of glowing eyes peering at me out of the dark.

Rodents? Or something more sinister?

It's enough to give a girl paranoia.

* * *

The next day was Saturday (hence the Friday night drunks the day before). The sun rose high for once, slanting in through the windows of a room that had barely changed since my arrival.

I hadn't taken down the lace curtains. The floor had not been stained the hue of faux mahogany.

Instead, it seemed as if I had adapted to fit it. One wall held pictures with great gaping holes in between the rows. I had returned home after our 'talk' to find it that way.

I didn't want to admit the other reason; that this was the floor that he had walked on, and that he had watched me dream on that rickety, single bed. The old rocking chair in the corner had been a place of repose for both of us, a tenuous link between him and me.

So everything remained as it had been, a living tribute.

It looked alien to me, after the shock of last night. Un-lived in. Too tidy, too clean and far too silent.

I got up and crossed the room to the stereo. It looked dusty, and merited a quick brush with my hand before I hit play.

The sound shattered the silence, dispelling and destroying it. I hadn't touched it since September twelfth.

_Come on baby we ain't gonna live 4ever  
__Let me show you all the things that we could do__  
You know you wanna be together  
__And I wanna spend the night with you__  
Yeah, yeah (with you)__  
Yeah, yeah__  
Come with me tonight  
We can make the night last 4ever_

The Veronicas blared out my former favorite song, taking me back to a time when I would have laughed at the idea of _not_ living forever, even as I resisted it.

How I craved that future now. The most forbidden, the most prohibited and illicit thought inside my dark head.

At night, sometimes, when the moon shone full on my pillow, and dog/wolves/friends in the form of wolves howled outside (I think it was the latter, because when I opened the window and instructed that they shut up, they did), I let thoughts of such a future enter my dreams and cripple me, doubling me over with pain as an express train charged into my abdomen.

I thought loss of love meant loss of heart, but my abdominal cavity felt scraped clean, free of all the important bits and pieces that made up a fully functioning Alice.

The extension on the nearby wall chattered and I smacked one hand hard on the stop button, pulling the phone from its cradle with the other.

"Hello?"

"Cara mía?"

I recognized the voice, distorted as it was by the crackly line.

"M-Maria?" My voice stuttered. Apart from my anonymous rescuer, this was the first vampiric contact I had had since –

"I was just in town," She said smoothly. "Yes, I know, again. But I was wondering if you knew where your…fiancé was. The house seems deserted."

I gripped the phone harder as a sudden chill ran through me. "How did you get my number?"

"You're in the phonebook."

"Oh." I swallowed. "And in answer to your question, I – "

_Lie, Alice!_

I honestly think you're the devil sometimes, you know. Lie, Alice, lie. Eat the last Pop Tart, Alice.

_That's not me_.

I know.

_Trust me. You really _don't_ want her to know that I've left town._

Hearing voices is the first sign of insanity, you know.

_That's talking to yourself._

If I give you a cookie, will you go away?

_What kind of cookie?_

A cho – hold on, you're a voice in my head! I shouldn't even –

"And in answer to my question, you what?"

I had forgotten about Maria.

"Um…" I cast around for a minute, finally fixing my eyes on the CD player. "He's gone music shopping."

"Music shopping?"

"Yeah. Edward needed a new…piano. The last one had – "

_Say woodworm!_

"Woodworm."

"Ah," Her voice lilted into a purr. "So I assume from _that_ that they are no longer in Forks."

"Nope. They're just up the road. In Seattle. Big, big house. With a big – "

_Tree!_

Sheesh, _somebody's_ creative.

"Tree by the door. Cherry tree. It's hard to miss."

"Thank you, Alice. Muchas gracias for your help."

And with a click, she was gone.

_Be safe._

Like you care.

_Until next time…

* * *

**The outtake:**_

I thought loss of love meant loss of heart, but my abdominal cavity felt scraped clean, free of all the important bits and pieces that made up a fully functioning Alice.  
All I had now was an ANGSTY ANGSTY ANGSTY Alice.  
With a steaming dollop of ANGST.

_**That was seriously going to be in there. I just pulled it at the last moment because I was taking it a wee bit too far...  
Review, and Jasper'll give you a cookie...**_


	18. Money, Money, Money

**_Hey guys - sorry I've been gone so long. But my GCSEs are in 3 MONTHS (!!!) and we've all gone into crisis mode and started panicking.  
If you requested a particular cookie from Jasper, you got it. Otherwise, you all get snickerdoodles.  
Oh, and this is based on the New Moon 'Scholarship' outtake. I loved it, but totally understood why it had to be taken out...so I nicked it.  
Enjoy!_

* * *

17. Money, Money, Money**

I decided to give the rest of that day over to doing tasks which would occupy my mind; I didn't want something like washing or drying which would leave it free.

First, I worked on a long neglected pile of homework – shuffling through sheets of Spanish, Trig, Biology and English, puzzling as to whether Lady Macbeth was schizophrenic or just manically depressed.

That done, I decided to go down to the bank.

I'd opened an account a Forks General on arriving, carefully stashing away my meager earnings from Newton's for college. In my estimation, I had a little under two hundred dollars now – the last _big_ purchase that I had made had been the new Fall Out Boy album, which now lay covered in dust at the back of my drawer.

_Time to go check the balance_, I thought. Yes, I know it was a stupid thing to do. But it killed _time_. I wanted to prove to myself that I could live without La Push, at least for a little while.

Unbeknownst to me, some tinkering had been done with my truck while I'd been down at the rez, and the roar was more like a very very loud purr nowadays.

Okay, it was a roar. But it sounded like a _contented_ one.

* * *

The roads were empty, despite the time; ten in the morning and I didn't pass another soul as I made my way into 'town'. The trees looked nice today – their leaves a brilliant shade of jade as fall shifted to spring; raindrops coating them like sprinkles of glitter.

The bank turn off was the last, right at the end of the main road. I parked carefully in one of the many empty spots, making sure I was perfectly parallel to the white lines before shutting off the engine.

The reason for my procrastination was simple – this was another place I hadn't been since…well, for a long time.

Jessica Stanley's mom was sitting behind the desk with a big smile for me as I came in. The room had recently been done up, and I caught a whiff of wet paint as I headed for the counter. The old retro brown and orange trim had gone, to be replaced by bright white and soft green; pretty, in a sort of institutional way.

"Alice!" Mrs. Stanley beamed as I approached her. "It's so lovely to see you!"

Her mouth moved before she shut it quickly, and I knew what the rest of her sentence would have been.

_At last_, she would have said. _Since your birthday. Since the breakup._

A lifetime ago.

"What can I do for you?"

I blinked back into reality. "Oh – yeah. Can I check my balance, please?"

She frowned a little. "Your last paycheck went in fine."

She's seen through me. Damn, I'd have to fabricate.

"Yeah, I know. I just wanna – um – see if I have enough to buy…a part. For my, um…" I gestured out the window. "Truck."

"Oh, fabulous." She tapped a few things into her keyboard and the printer next to her scrolled out a long sheet of type.

She looked at it once. Then once again, in surprise.

"Could you bear with me just a second?" She inquired and I nodded my assent to her strange request, flopping down in one of the (newly) green chairs.

I closed my eyes to the rhythmic tick of the clock and waited. I could hear two voices in the office, one fading as the other made a call. The rain pitter-pattered on the glass of the windows and the skylight, and the atmosphere was, for once, soothing.

It was effortless to be…temporarily.

"Alice? Could you come in here a minute?"

I opened my eyes to see Mrs. Gerandy, the wife of the doctor, beckoning at me with a smile stretching her face from end to end. I got up a little confusedly and joined her.

"Here's your balance." She said. Her voice was almost…excited?

I was wrong – I had a little over two hundred. $201.62, in fact.

Oh, yeah, and that other twenty five grand.

Twenty five thousand, two hundred and one dollars and sixty two cents.

"Um…" Was all I could say.

"I've checked it out," Mrs. Gerandy enthused. "You've been awarded a scholarship by the – " She checked the pad by her phone. "Galveston Memorial Trust Fund Initiative. Sound familiar?"

I shook my head, gritting my teeth. Now, who did I know who was both dead and a veteran of the Civil War?

"I didn't apply," I said grimly.

The woman's face fell a little at my expression, but she continued. "They don't take applicants, apparently. They award scholarships to those – " She consulted her pad again. "'Who have achieved academic success, despite extreme circumstances.' Like…loss, for example."

My hands were balled into tight fists on my lap and I had to fight to restrain a growl. Was it possible to stick the knife in any deeper?

"I'd like to close my account," I said. "Can I have my money, please."

It wasn't a request.

She gulped. "I don't think – "

It took a monumental effort to soften my features. "Not the twenty five grand. That scholarship belongs to someone else – like Jessica Stanley, for example. I know her GPA is higher than mine."

I left the bank with four fifties and a pocketful of clinking change.

* * *

At my request, Mrs. Gerandy had given me an email address and a number for the Galveston Memorial Trust Fund Initiative. I tried the number the minute I got home, though I knew it wouldn't work. Someone with twenty five grand to blow could obviously invest in caller ID.

So I wrote an email, addressing it to the fraudulent 'Mr. T Bilson'.

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_ I wrote, wincing in annoyance at the lie.

_I have recently received the sum of twenty five thousand dollars, apparently from your trust fund initiative._

_I did not apply for any such scheme, and have hence closed my bank account at Forks General._

_Your scholarship offer is very generous, however I request that you do bestow the generosity on another candidate._

_Sincerely,_

_A.__ Brandon.

* * *

_One day.

Two.

A week of waiting and moaning in La Push.

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_

_I have had no reply to my previous email, and Mrs. Gerandy, the lady who you spoke to on the phone, informs me that monies to sum of five thousand dollars have arrived in check form._

_Please award the scholarship to another applicant._

_A. Brandon.

* * *

_Two weeks.

A _month_.

_Dear 'Mr. Bilson'._

_You don't answer my phone calls, or my emails. The amount held in situ for me at Forks General now stands at thirty five thousand dollars._

_Stop. Now.

* * *

_June. The first day of dim, cool June.

_Forty grand. Stop playing games and leave me alone._


	19. Only Rosaline

**_Just when you thought you'd escaped the angst...it comes back to get you.  
GCSEs, by the way, for those of you who don't know, are really BIG exams you take at 15/16. I don't know whether they're called SATs or something in the States.  
And stop complaining on the whole Jasper score! I miss him too - SO MUCH, if you remember who Alice is based on (partially). But he is ON HIS WAY! His SatNav has just broken or something, or Maria's forcing him to watch back to back Gossip Girl, but he is coming!!!  
Enjoy.  
_

* * *

18. Only Rosaline**

I stomped down to La Push on June second with a clenched wad of paper in my fist and anger in my heart.

_Dear Miss Brandon,_

_Congratulations! You have been awarded a female excellence scholarship from the Galveston Trust Fund Initiative. As you know, we have had some problems getting your funds to you._

_I therefore enclose a check for forty thousand dollars, made payable to you. I would strongly advise you to take it._

_Sincerely,_

_T. Bilson._

_Managing Director._

"It's too much!" I snarled, pacing up and down the yellow linoleum of Emily's kitchen floor. "I am _not_ going to take his _damned_ money, and he can't make me!"

"Well," Emily said calmly. "Tell him."

"I already – "

I stopped, a slow smile spreading over my face. I'd done it once, I could do it again.

She smiled and gestured towards the tiny study. "If the computer doesn't start first time round, just give it a little nudge with your foot."

The computer took a few good kicks to get started, actually. I sat down and carefully logged into my email account without breaking the thing. Then I began to write.

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_

_Thank you for your kind offer. However, I –_

I pressed the backspace viciously. Been there, done that.

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_

_How kind of you to finally get back to me. Despite appearances, I –_

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_

_What you don't seem to understand is –_

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_

_Okay. Cards on the table. You –_

A warm hand suddenly alighted on my shoulder and I started in surprise. I turned around to see Quil behind me, his broad face split into a wide grin. He was shaking his head.

"No," He said, leaning over me to the keyboard. "You should say something like this."

_Dear Mr. Bilson,_

_Up yours._

I grinned and hit the Send button with a satisfied feeling. Quil grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

"Come on," He said. "Walkies."

* * *

We made our way along the beautiful pale crescent of First Beach, which was wet with salt and spray and wild as any wolf. The land and sky and sea all seemed to curl up together so that the horizon was a trembling white line, just below the cloud bank. Driftwood trees stuck up jaggedly from the surf, looking like the skeletons of giants.

Quil led me to one and I perched a little way up, while he seated himself at my feet. We stared at the waves for a long time.

"How easy was that for you?"

"Hmmm?"

"The letter. Telling him where to go like that."

I stretched, feeling my bones creak at the motion. "Fine, I guess."

"I was thinking – " He cleared his throat. "I was thinking that, maybe…maybe you should go out again. See some real guys."

I laughed. "As if I ever meet anyone non-mythological! I'm like a myth magnet!"

He quickly turned his face back to the sea, but I saw the hurt in his black eyes.

"Aw, Quil." I plopped down on the sand beside him. "I'm not – I'm not right for you. I could only ever be – half."

"But you wouldn't have to be!" He turned back to me with a queer expression on his face; half fierce, half oddly determined. "I think you spend so much time trying _not_ to forget him that you can let yourself move on."

I sucked in my breath. That was a low blow.

"Maybe you're right. But I know that – somewhere, anywhere – there's a girl who's absolutely perfect for you. And it's not me. I'm damaged goods." I laughed bitterly, the sound like breaking glass.

"You're not," He said firmly. And then he took my face in his hands and kissed me.

At first I was just so surprised that I couldn't react. I just sat there like a stone angel – I'd never been attacked like that in my life.

And then I realized that it hurt. Deep down, in my core, it hurt. Because I'd only ever been kissed by one other person, and this was not the same. This made me feel like a girl, kneeling on gritty sand, breaking a boy's heart by stringing him along.

I wasn't breathless.

My heart hadn't sped up.

"_No_!" I suddenly shrieked, and with a great shove I sent him tumbling back into the sand.

"I – am – _BROKEN_!" I screeched. "Don't you see? I can barely even _breathe_ for missing him! It feels like my heart has been torn in two! And every time he sends me _another_ check because he's trying to make it up to me, I break all over again!

"Don't you see?" I whispered softly. "I will _never_ heal. He'll go on forever – and I'll never stop loving him."

I turned and ran away, feet pounding on the wet sand, ignoring the calls behind me.

Where to go? Not to the forest – I'd had no news of Laurent – and not home either, where my parents would immediately ask me what was wrong.

Sanctuary – I was seeking sanctuary.

And somehow, I knew where to find it.

* * *

The big white house stood empty, no beautiful blonde in the window, no line of family members waiting for me as I cautiously pushed open the front door.

All was as it had been – albeit with an extra coating of dust. I tiptoed reverently over to the glossy piano, lifted the lid, and nervously pressed a key to check the pitching.

Perfect.

I picked out 'Chopsticks' and 'The Entertainer', the only tunes I knew.

And then I began to sing.

I sang strange half melodies which made my throat burn and my eyes stream. My high, almost childlike voice echoed off the white walls in ways I was sure it hadn't done before. It belonged in the high vaulted ceiling of a cathedral, not here.

I knew I had been wrong to come here.

It was the breeze blowing in from the still open door, lifting the dust and swirling it. A tendril of scent hit my nostrils…and sent me reeling backwards.

It couldn't possibly be that strong – they'd been gone almost a year! Why was I being tormented?

"Jasper?" I whispered, and the wind wailed mournfully in reply as more and more of his wonderful, glorious, mouthwatering smell pervaded the room.

I picked myself up off the piano stool and ran for the door.


	20. I Go Down On My Knees

**_I don't think I've ever felt so sad at my own work. This chapter, I think, is the most poignant I've ever written, and I'd like to dedicate it to a loving, wonderful and beautiful person who commited suicide and was taken away from me.  
We all love you, Bren. I miss you.  
_

* * *

19. I Go Down On My Knees**

When I was nine, my school put on a play about Camelot. I was really excited, because they picked me to play Guinevere. And my mom promised me that she was going to come and see me.

"I'll be in the front row," She said. "Right in the front row, where you can see me."

My Guinevere dress was long and pink and probably, in all reality, quite hideous. But I loved it because when I put it on, I was a queen. And I knew I was going to bring the house down.

My knees were knocking together as I stepped out onto the slippery wooden planks of the tiny stage in our tiny auditorium, my eyes searching for my mother, for where she'd promised to be.

But she wasn't there.

Later, she'd tell me about how the car had broken down on the road right outside our house. She'd take me out for ice cream sodas and I'd smile and laugh and pretend I wasn't hurt that she hadn't been there for me, even though it wasn't her fault.

I felt like that now.

Each step which took me towards the rocky precipice, the wind howling in my ears, was another trembling one onto those boards, looking for my mother with anxious, frightened eyes.

It was one of those times when time and situation seem like nothing. Lightning forked the sky and illuminated the cliff, and a gale was beginning to whip up around me.

My feet were bare, I realized. Where had I left my shoes?

When I'd climbed the rocks above First Beach, I'm pretty sure that my only thought had been to sit there for a while to reflect, and think back over my day.

I hadn't gone there to die.

But suddenly, it seemed so…easy. The meandering rock was a perfect perpendicular to the hissing, boiling sea and surf, and I could just see myself going down.

Straight down.

Maybe that's how my life should end. In the cool blue and green. Because drowning always seems to be the preferred suicide method, doesn't it? Jumping off bridges or cliffs, and just…sinking. Letting go.

_Don't do this_.

A silent smile stretched my face.

_Not over me._

But don't you realize? It's always been about you. My whole life, up to and past this point.

_You had a life before me_.

It was no life, I promise you.

I took another step forward, absentmindedly wiggling my cramped toes into position.

_There are other people who need you, you know._

So?

_I need __you!_

No you don't. You need Carlisle and Esme. You need Emmett and Edward. You need Rosalie. You need Bella. You need your family.

_You're the only family I want!_

Why do I bother? You're a voice in my head. You're only telling me what I want to hear.

_Alice, please. I am _begging_ you._

I smile again, wider; tauter. There is a chasm of empty air before me that I only need step in to.

You'll be free, when I'm gone. You can go back to whatever it was you were doing before I stepped in and messed things up.

_Being. That's all. Not living. Not without you._

My smile stretches so wide that I feel my bottom lip crack and a tiny dribble of blood begins to wind its way down my chin.

Just like before, remember?

_Alice!_

You listened to my heartbeat, once upon a time. Will it pound, do you think? Or slow?

_Please__. For me. As the only person I have truly, _ever_ loved._

I always used to hate endearments, you know? I think I understand them now. My love. My heart. My life.

_Don't!_

Another step forward.

_Please!_

Honey. Baby. Sweetheart.

_You're not alone! You have friends, your parents –_

Everything means nothing, if I ain't got you.

_Alicia Keys?_

You remembered.

_I remember every word you've ever said to me. Even the ones you've spoken in anger. Even the ones you've said while you were asleep._

To sleep, perchance to dream.

_Hamlet_.

Fair is foul and foul is fair.

_Macbeth._

Where for art thou?

_I'm here. And you're wrong, you know. You are Juliet. Just not his._

And _you're_ procrastinating. Goodbye, Jasper.

_No, Alice! Don't!_

A voice, bellowing in my mind.

_Stay alive! Be with me._

A howling in my consciousness.

_You made it beautiful! You made it bright! You gave me love and hope and joy and more fear than I've ever had, but I –_

It's just one casual step into empty air, into the empty gray bowl of the sky.

And I tumble, a scream ripping through my lips as I plunge down, toward the yawning black chasm of the sea.


	21. Like A Lamb To The Slaughter

**_Sorry to leave you hanging, but here you go!  
_

* * *

20. Like A Lamb To The Slaughter**

It takes the average person two minutes to drown.

I was a small, frail girl, broken by pain and sorrow too much for one human to bear.

After all – it wasn't the first time I'd died.

* * *

A slow insistent beeping was the first thing that informed me that my plan had failed. The second was my mother's voice.

"Alice? Baby?"

I opened my eyes slowly, wincing a little at the flexi-plastic tube running beneath my nose. My throat felt raw and used.

"What happened?" I croaked. Please God, don't let her know. Don't let her –

"You fell," She sniffed, brushing a strand of salt stiff hair from my forehead. "Off the cliffs at La Push. You tried to swim back to the beach but – but – we thought you weren't going to make it!"

Sobs that had been bubbling at the back of her throat burst through as she surveyed my face. I patted her hand a little awkwardly, noticing for the first time that the table beside my bed was covered in flowers – marigolds, sweetpeas, gerberas…

I reached out and hesitantly touched the brilliantly scarlet petal of an orchid which extended straight up from its pot, willowy stem waving gently.

My mom seemed to recover at the sight, wiping her eyes on a tissue from the box half hanging off the flower table.

"There's someone outside to see you," She said softly. "She didn't know if you'd want to see her, though."

Who was it? Leah? Emily? I frowned.

"Send her in."

The door slowly opened, and I caught my breath as I recognized the figure in the doorway. Tears rushed to my eyes.

"Is it really you?" I gasped.

Her face crumpled, as if she were about to cry too. "Yes. Yes, it's me. Oh, Alice…"

Bella Cullen came forward in a surge, her dark hair for once pulled away from her face into an untidy topknot. I sighed as she took my hand, cradling it in her marble grasp. Her skin was too cold – I'd forgotten the extreme temperature – but just having her there with me made my heart flood with heat.

My mother slipped unobtrusively from the room as she lifted me bodily from the pillows and squeezed me tight, crushing my sore lungs. I didn't care; I was just so glad she was here.

"I've m-missed you so – so m-much!" I sobbed. She stroked my hair.

"I've missed you too. After all, who else have I got to ruin my shirts with salt water?"

I gave a weak sob/laugh. "Good point."

When I could finally speak coherently, I said, "Is, um…is he, I mean, are you…you're not…and so…"

"No." She shook her head, seeming to understand my gibberish. "But Alice, I have to tell you something." Her topaz colored eyes were cautioning.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I guessed, already beginning to hyperventilate. "What's happened? To whom?"

"I'll tell you if you _breathe_."

I gripped her hand as she released me. I took some deep, steadying breaths under her careful scrutiny.

"I'm fine. Go on, please."

She took a deep breath. "Alice – Jasper came by when you were critical. Your parents told him that it didn't look like you were going to make it."

"So?" I shrugged my shoulders, wondering why he would come so far for such a mediocre reason as my death.

"Alice, he thought you were dead!"

"And? He left me. He had no vested interest in me anymore."

Her face didn't relax; if anything, the lines on her forehead deepened.

"I thought…well, this is…oh for the love of…" She cleared her throat. "Alice, Jasper never left Forks."

My hands snapped together, nails gouging flesh from my palms. Bella stiffened, so I knew I'd drawn blood. She continued as though nothing had happened, however.

"We moved but he insisted on staying behind. We all knew why, so none of us pressed the matter."

"Why?" I asked, teeth clenched.

She gently squeezed my jaw until I gaped like a fish, and then let it relax, breaking the barrier of my locked teeth.

"Don't do that. And why?" She looked deep into my eyes. "Alice, he loves you."

Not the way I love him. And why do I always have to be told by one of his sisters, anyway?

"And he thinks I'm dead – " I said slowly, processing the information piece by piece.

"And he plans on following you."

My heart froze solid as I realized his thinking. Jasper loved me still, in his way. He would feel ridiculously – and needlessly – guilty over my death, shouldering the blame as he always did.

But he intended to reassess the balance by dying, too?

"He wouldn't be that stupid."

"Alice, think of what you did!"

I winced, and swiftly changed the subject.

"So Laurent…and in the alley…"

"My guess is that he was never far from your side, in case you needed him. And you did. I'd be surprised if Laurent survived the night."

Stupid, irrational, irascible vampire! He didn't have to feel responsible for me just because – once upon a time – he had had feelings for me.

That part of my life had ended. But what Bella said was true; I couldn't deny it.

I'd been dead before. At her words, I died in earnest.

"We have to stop him."

She nodded, lovely face clouded.

"How will he do it?"

She swallowed. "There is a place in Italy where the immortals reign – albeit in secret. If he disturbs the peace in Volterra…" She trailed off.

"What will they do?" My voice trembled, waiting for the answer that would put the seal on my destiny.

"He will burn if he succeeds."

They had burned James.

"Take me there."

A taut smile lifted one side of her mouth. "I'll have to kidnap you."

"Do it. Just get me there before one of us _actually_ dies."

"Alice – " She hesitated, one hand on the pile of clothes at the foot of my bed. "Before we go, I have to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Do ever regret the turns your life has taken?"

I could never – and would never – regret the love that was the very center point of my being.

"If he burns, we burn together."

She nodded swiftly, scooping up my clothes in one arm and me in the other.

The window was open to the dark forest and, once through, she pelted through the trees faster than a bullet. As for me?

I was wondering how long it took to forge a passport.


	22. Turbulence

**_I don't think Ive ever written so fast as I did for this chapter, so desperate was I to make it work, to make her save him...which was when I realised he couldn't be saved until I wrote it.  
Duh.  
_

* * *

21. Turbulence**

Bella called the airlines as we drove, spooling out detail after detail so fast that I had no idea how the operator could keep up with her. Florence was our destination; anywhere further down and we wouldn't make it in time.

"Here." She had one tiny silver phone pressed to her ear, but her other proffered an equally minuscule facsimile to me. "Phone the others. They'll be glad to hear you're safe."

A sudden thought struck me.

"Has anyone tried Jasper's cell?"

Her nod crushed the tiny bubble of hope which had, unbeknownst to me, begun to swell inside my chest.

"It just goes straight to voicemail."

"I should try though – just in case."

She nodded, but was soon busy wrangling with a desk clerk. "No, I cannot wait until tomorrow! This is a matter of life and death!"

My hands shook so much that I had to dial the number three times before I hit the right combination. It was to no avail, however; it just clicked straight to answerphone. The sound of his pre-recorded voice still sent chills down my spine.

"Jasper – it's Alice. Please, please pick up your phone. I'm fine, but you're obviously not if you're running off to Volterra! What are you thinking?"

I took a deep breath a shut my eyes.

"Don't bother telling me. Just – call someone and tell them you're okay. I repeat, I am _fine_. Alive. Breathing. So – so just call me back, okay?"

Bella looked at me concernedly as I hit the end call button. "Forget Jasper for a minute. Try not to worry - you'll just make it harder for yourself."

"Yeah right," I quipped. "You may as well tell me not to breathe."

"You're not doing very much of that either."

"God, I don't know Bella. If he dies – " The words caught in my throat and choked me as I though of the worst – the very _worst_ – eventuality. "Let's just say – don't let me near any cliffs."

She hit the brake so hard that I would have flown through the windscreen if she hadn't hauled me back into position.

"Don't you dare say that!" The sweet, shy brunette yelled. "If you say that we are turning this car around _right_ now!"

I cowered into my seat. "W-Why?"

"Because if we don't make it in time, I am going to try my darnedest to get you out of there before you become a Volturi aperitif! One human life is worth much more than two, or even a hundred immortal ones."

"And why is that?"

She scowled at me. "Because you can grow. Experience. _Change_. As much as I'd like you to be my sister for all eternity, if we lose all hope of that you are going home in _one piece_! Do you understand me?"

I nodded shakily.

"Good!" Her voice relaxed as she moved her foot to the accelerator. "I hate to think what I would have done otherwise."

"Would you have turned around?"

"No. But I would have had to tie you down."

I gulped.

* * *

We had to run for our plane when we reached Sea-Tac, but I felt a lot less useless if I was doing, rather than thinking.

Bella worked out that our plane would land in Italy (after a stop over in London) at about ten in the morning, their time, meaning that we would arrive, after a two hour drive, at approximately twelve noon. She told me it was imperative that we were there by noon, but she didn't say why.

Luck was not on our side.

The stop at London turned into a delay – something wrong with an engine.

"No, no, no," I whispered desperately, gripping Bella's icy palm with my hot one and practically levitating off the seat.

By the time we actually left the terminal at Firenze Airport, it was eleven.

Bella pulled back under the awning so the bright, almost midday sun would not touch her pallid skin. "I'll have to find a car."

I understood that she didn't mean rent one. I scanned urgently, searching for something fast.

"How about that one?"

"Alice, that's a – "

"I don't care what it is! I'll drive if it bothers you!"

"You think I want us to drive off a cliff because you're hyperventilating?"

So we left the parking lot in a (very conspicuous) Ferrari. I was very impressed with the car on the whole, and even more that Bella seemed quite familiar with the interior.

When I asked her, she just shrugged. "Wedding present."

The Tuscan landscape rolled and dipped outside the window, but I was too panicked to care. I didn't know why we had a deadline, but it seemed as if we did. After all, wasn't there always one in this sort of situation? The clock on the dash seemed to speed up. Time does fly when you're having fun…

Not.

The last hill we took with a grind and a bump that sent me into (and almost through) the ceiling.

Volterra was a citadel, high on the hill, its cinnamon colored walls high and draped in red cloth. I goggled at the sheer magnitude of each ocher colored stone, let alone the keep as a whole.

"St. Marcus' Day," Bella said, wincing slightly.

"Drive! We've got ten minutes."

As we got closer, the car had to slow to a crawl. A massive crowd of people and cars waited in line, preparing to enter the city and join in the festivities. The guards motioning them through looked bored, tired, but I had no sympathy for fellow humans right now.

I said something very unladylike.

Bella concurred with precisely the same word. Finally, she gritted her teeth.

"Aw, hell. You only live once."

With a massive rev and a roar from the engine, she accelerated around the line of cars to assorted hoots and catcalls, zooming beneath the portcullis as the watching guards broke into a run to avoid her.

The streets got narrower and narrower and more and more full of people as we progressed.

"We don't even know where he is!" I cried in despair.

Bella halted the car as we suddenly reached the edge of a massive square. The clock on the dash told me I had less than two minutes left.

"I think I might," She said breathlessly. "Listen Alice, I'll explain later but – you're not the first one to be in this situation. You see the clock tower?"

I nodded vigorously.

"There's an alley a little to the right of that. Look there. If not – " Her face clouded.

"Then he's gone," I completed, wrenching the door open. "Wish me luck!"

I had to leap over the bonnet of the car but then I was running, pushing bodies aside and yelling God only knew what. Tears coursed down my face as the first toll of the bell boomed out over the square.

I began to use my nails and my fists as yet more chimes rang out, flailing wildly and raging in every language I knew. People barred my way and fought back. One guy in a red blazer gripped me by the shoulders and held me still. I snarled at the halt and he released me with a look of abject terror on his tanned face.

The last peal was the loudest and broke on the air just as I reached the bell tower. I spun on my heel and pelted for the alleyway, convinced I could see a spot of brightness in the gloom.

I didn't feel the jutting stone beneath my foot, but suddenly I was airborne. I shot towards the mouth of the alley and the figure therein as the heel of my shoe snapped.

The butter colored stone came rushing up to greet me and a sudden burst of white, not entirely imagined, was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.


	23. Reel Around The Sun

**_Hello, my lovelies!  
I would like to take this opportunity to officially announce, due to an overwhelming amount of feedback, the splintering of East Meets West!  
Yes, East Meets West will be segregated into two separate books - East Meet West: Carpe Diem (Seize the day) and East Meets West: Memento Mori (Remember you will die).  
Why the same name, you might ask. Well, that's due to the fact that there will be no gap between the events in the first book and the second.  
They will pick up right where they left off, and I will now reveal that that will be on a train. I know! Muy exciting!  
Chapter dedication? To Dark Demeanor, of course!  
Oh, BTW, the chapter name is from Riverdance (quelle naturelle), which is so brilliant that I walked into a door because I was tapping so hard.  
_

* * *

22. Reel Around The Sun**

I knew all was well when I was conscious enough to recognize the temperature. I was in Italy.

In June.

It was high noon, and I was freezing.

I'd never been so happy to be cold in my entire life.

My joy momentarily abated when I opened my eyes and both recognized and was horrified by the ones gazing worriedly into mine.

They were Jasper's eyes.

And the irises were a burgundy so deep that they were barely distinguishable from the blackness of his pupil.

He realized my distress almost as I did, and had lowered me gently to the ground and shot away before I even felt the discomfort of movement.

"No!" I pulled myself to my feet as he cowered from me, moving further into the alley and closer to him as I sought to quieten his fear. "I'm not afraid of you!"

"You're not?" His voice was hoarse (for him, at least. It was still like heavenly choirs compared to a human's).

"No! Jasper, what would I care if you'd killed one human? Even one million? You can slaughter entire villages and I'm so ridiculously selfish that I wouldn't even care. I just want you!"

"You do?"

"Jasper!" I moaned in sheer annoyance and exhilaration that he was – in his way – alive. "I love you, you complete and utter fool! You can drink my blood if you really want you!"

He straightened up, coming away from the wall. I had time to notice that he had no shirt (momentary distraction) before he spoke again and my attention was entirely focused on the sound of his voice.

"And you're not a hallucination? You're really here?"

"God, yes. I'm just so glad that you're uncreative enough to steal Edward's idea!"

"They told you?"

"No – in fact Bella tried every way possible except telling me – but I pretty much guessed from all the hints."

"And you really do love me still?"

My heart clenched as I prepared for the inevitable. "Yes. And even if you don't feel the same, I – "

There was a roar, and suddenly my back was against the alley wall, and I was being held in place by an irate vampire who was practically ripping my throat out in his rage.

"Um," I squeaked. "Did I – "

"You think I don't love you?" He bellowed. "You think – even after all this – that I don't care about you? Alice Brandon, you are the most asinine individual I have ever met!"

"But I – "

"Why do you think I came to Italy? Why do think I practically stalked you for almost a year? Why do you think the house reeked from where I'd been watching, because I can't go into La Push?"

"Because you felt – I don't know – responsible?!"

"Alice!" He yelled. "If anything had happened to you – not that it hasn't – I would have had no reason to live anymore, you complete and utter lunatic!"

"What?" I was completely bewildered; so many emotions foisted on me in the space of a few short hours. I wasn't altogether sure whether I was up or down.

"I love you more than life itself, and I don't even _have_ that! You – you – "

He was so incandescent with rage that I did the only thing that seemed vaguely plausible under the circumstances.

Which was to grab his perfect, glorious face and kiss him for a _really_ long time.

It seemed to work.

"Well, thank God for that. I thought I was going to have to marry a werewolf or something – y'know, just for my mythical creature dose…"

He smiled as the tips of his fingers traced the contours of my face and I shivered at a touch not soon forgotten.

"You look tired," He said.

"You look thirsty," I countered.

His eyes momentarily clouded again and I went to poke him, but he caught my hand.

"I am _not_ taking you home in pieces."

"Sorry to interrupt…" Jasper froze and I started as a voice seemed to drift up from the cobbles.

"Beneath the grille – and don't be afraid, Alice dear."

Jasper took my hand and we walked stiffly over to the grating at one end of the alley. My heart thumped as I wondered what fate had in store for us next.

A pair of inquisitive red eyes looked up from beneath the ground as we leaned over.

"Ah, hello," said the disembodied voice. "Just thought I'd pop up and say hello. I must say Jasper, she is stunning. When will you be bringing her over? Only dear Caius is just a _teensy_ bit high strung on these matters…"

"Aro." Jasper smiled in recognition. "Soon."

"Well, that's alright then. I would invite you in but I'm afraid we've just taken receipt of a fresh batch of tourists."

I shivered a little at the pleasure that gleamed in his eyes.

"And such gifts she will have! We have a seer, ourselves, you know…nothing like your dearest one of course." The eyes moved as if their owner was shaking his head. "There's no comparison. But anyway, I must be off…"

A white hand extended a little from the grille and I cautiously shook it. Aro laughed.

"Until next time, dear ones…"

His voice became fainter and fainter as he moved off down what I assumed was an underground tunnel.

It turned to Jasper, who looked completely dumbfounded.

"What?"

"You do realize…" He said, swallowing. "That you've just spoken to probably the most important immortal there is…and he's not interested in eating you?"

"He seemed very polite."

"He did, didn't he?"

"But what was all that talk about _seeing_ things?"

"I have no idea. Probably just for dramatic effect. If he didn't have a mate, I'd swear…"

"What?"

"Well, he is _very_ polite…"

"No? Really?"

"Possibly."

"Hmmm." I looked up, regarding the golden orb of the sun high above us in the sky, though its rays didn't extend to our secluded spot. "So what are we supposed to do for the next few hours?"

His grin became devilish. "Just follow my lead…"


	24. Schizophrenia

**_Who got mentioned by JackieOrioncat? It was me!  
Oh, BTW, for anyone who's actually pondering why my username sounds dodgy - there is a story behind it.  
Basically, in like August or something, after I'd read the Twilight saga for the first time, I was in my room. All of a sudden, I felt so serene and so happy that I just sank down on my bed with this giant goofy grin on my face. It was like someone was manipulating my emotions...  
Like there was a Jasper in my room.  
So that's why.  
No go do my new poll!  
_

* * *

23. Schizophrenia**

"Your turn," I croaked, rolling the dusty pebble back across the alley for the four hundred and eleventh time.

Jasper rolled his eyes as he casually flicked out a hand and caught it. "Must we continue? You even know what I was wearing when I caught up with Laurent."

I grimaced. His explanation had been brief, but graphic.

"Very last one, I promise. Okay, your question is – what time is it?"

He looked up from the gloom of the alley, craning his neck to evaluate the sun's angle in the sky.

"It's a little past four, I think."

I groaned and buried my face in my arms. "It's June! It's gonna be hours before we can leave. And I'm so – " I flapped a hand. "Hot!"

His brow furrowed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to bother you. Like I said, it doesn't look as if you've hunted for a while."

He rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Alice. It doesn't bother me anymore. There's a reason that I haven't…_hunted_…for a while."

"And why is that?" I looked carefully into his face, but he avoided my eyes, turning our question pebble over and over between his palms.

"You know that I found it…more difficult than my siblings to adapt to this life. You may not be my singer or anything that drastic, but it still used to affect me, being around you. Just to arouse the hunger – or should I say, thirst. To stoke the flames a little."

"I had no idea."

"And now we come to the point. To the revelation." He looked up from the rock and I locked his gaze with mine. I told myself quite firmly that his eyes were black, and that they would be back to gold soon enough.

"The most masochistic act I have ever committed – actually, no – that would be leaving you. Alice, I made myself like this."

"Why?" I gasped.

"It's a little crazy really, you could call it an eating disorder; but I starved myself. Kept myself thirsty. So that, if I closed my eyes…it would still feel like you were with me."

I snorted. "You think that's crazy? I heard you talking in my head!"

"What?"

"Yeah. We'd have like these _long_ conversations whenever I got into a situation that I knew, deep down, you wouldn't want me to be in. The interesting thing is, with what I know now – you were only ever a few feet away when I heard you. What could that be, do you think?"

He considered for a moment. "I don't know. Subliminal wish fulfillment? Schizophrenia? An undeniable revelation of the truth?"

"Huh?" I frowned. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"A part of your brain still knew that I cared about you; it was the part that had all the memories locked away in it, I think. If you could've stood the pain of going over it again – and yes, I know, there was far too much to make it feasible – then maybe you would've realized. But, as it was, that tiny part of your brain that was telling you the truth could only speak its words through my voice." He shrugged. "It's just a theory, though."

"Like Pandora's box," I said quietly. "The smallest voice in there – hope."

"Yes." His eyes softened to another level of liquid onyx. "Now come and sit with me."

Too worn out (both mentally and physically) to walk, I shuffled over to his side on my knees, and he pulled me across his lap, my head resting on his chest.

"You've had a long, long day," He said gently.

"It's been a long few months."

He laughed and ruffled my hair. "Sleep now, little human. I'll watch over you."

"Will you always have to do that?" I yawned. "Always have to be standing over me brandishing a stake and a fire extinguisher?"

Another ripple of laughter was sweet music to my ears. "I do hope so. Now sleep, my Alice. Your insatiable curiosity is quenched, I've bared all – "

"In spectacular fashion."

"And I think what I have to say can – "

"There's more?" I forced open my rapidly closing lids. "Tell me!"

His cool finger brushed each eyelid, closing them. "When you wake up," He promised. "I'll say everything that needs to be said."

"I love you," I murmured, curling myself closer into the ice of his skin.

"I'm very surprised, but thank you. I love you too."

I drifted off to sleep, safe, and the happiest I had been for almost nine months.

* * *

"Signorina?"

I opened my eyes blearily; the harsh lighting and bright colors of an airport terminal rushing up to greet me.

"I'm sorry to wake you," Jasper said softly. "It's just that this lady here – " He glowered at the check in clerk. "Insists that, as a fully grown adult, you must be vertical in order to board the plane."

I rolled my eyes as he gently slid me to the ground, keeping an arm around me. I leaned into him, grateful for the support of his diamond hard body.

"Si, si!" The little women looked harassed; torn between irritation and fear by Jasper's menacing scowl. "You must wake up, signorina!" She squeezed my arm, giving me a small smile. "It is for the reason of health and safety. Your boyfriend, he say 'She comes all the way from America! She needs to rest!'"

She tipped me a sly wink. "You have a good one there, signorina. Hold onto him."

I smiled at her. "Thanks."

"If you're quite finished," said Jasper, his tone exasperated. "Bella will be wondering where we are."

"Signorina Swan?" The clerk asked. "She has been informed."

Jasper froze. "Wha – what did you call my sister?"

The woman rolled her eyes expressively. "Signorina Swan! Or Signora Cullen, as I suppose I must call her now. She came through here a while ago, but I remember her. Signore Hale, you are not the first from that family to walk through this airport with a girl in your arms."

She peered at me. "You have a pretty face, Signorina Brandon. A good face. I think life will be good for you. For both of you." She gave us a broad smile. "Now go. Go and catch your plane."

Jasper began to swiftly walk me away as I wrapped both arms around his waist and tried not to stumble. He sighed, but, in accordance with the rules, simply lifted me a little way off the ground and carried me, still vertical, towards the waiting plane.

* * *

I settled into the plush seat with a sigh, closing my eyes and tilting my head back into the softness of the headrest.

"Do you want to sleep?" asked the soft voice in my ear.

I shook my head, eyes still shut. "No."

"Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome aboard Flight 53N, which will be taking off in five minutes. A choice of refreshments is available, and your in flight movie will be Ne – "

Jasper groaned. "Oh no."

"What?" I was confused; I'd been unable to hear the movie's full title.

He gazed at me, anguished. "That vampire movie that Edward and Bella got you for your birthday."

"Yes?"

"It's the sequel."


	25. Only One Way To Make Sure

**

* * *

24. Only One Way To Make Sure**

Jasper survived the movie (surprisingly enough). He occasionally glared at the screen however, reserving his most ferocious for when I happened to look up and catch a glimpse of the male lead.

I can dream, can't I?

The girl across the aisle had snuck peeks at Jasper throughout, seemingly undeterred by his thunderous brow. Then, suddenly, she began flipping hurriedly through a celebrity magazine. Her finger stabbed down on the page when she found what she was looking for.

Ah. I knew what she was doing.

She would come over in a minute, and ask Jasper if he was (insert name of famous person). When he said he wasn't, she'd blush and say he should be a model. She'd give her name, in exchange for his. Then she would turn the full power of her mascara-ed eyes at him and he'd get up, and take the empty seat beside her…oh God oh God oh God.

Must. Stop. Hyperventilating. Must. Stop. Hyperventilating.

With a quick slick of lip gloss, she got up and came over to us, hips wiggling like Shakira.

"Hi," She said, tone sultry. "Are you Chace Crawford?"

I couldn't restrain a snort, which earned me a condescending look from the girl. Chace Crawford would need the best plastic surgeon in the world to look even _half_ as good as Jasper.

He smiled. "Sorry. Wrong guy."

She blushed delicately (I knew it). "Oh. I am sorry. But you're a model, right?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Oh," She said, looking up from beneath her eyelids and come-hithering for all she was worth. "You totally should be. I mean, you're gorgeous."

"Thank you."

"I'm Stacy, by the way." Generic.

"Jasper."

"Nice to meet you, Jasper. There's a spare seat by me, if you're interested," She purred, flicking her eyes back to it.

"No – but thank you." Jasper curled his hand round mine.

"I'm sure your sister wouldn't mind."

Bitch. She _so_ knew I wasn't his sister.

"My _sister_ wouldn't," Jasper said, gesturing with one pale hand to Bella, in the seat behind Stacy's. "But I think Alice would."

"Alice?" She leaned towards me, wiggling her fingers and widening her eyes. Then she began to speak, in a tone which indicated that she thought I was retarded.

"Would you mind if your friend Jasper came to sit with me, Alice? I'm his _new_ friend."

"Oh, Jasper's not my friend." I said airily. "He's my brother in Christ."

She stepped back. "What?"

"Oh yes," Jasper nodded, playing along. "We went to Italy for spiritual retreat and to become cleansed in order to do the good Lord's work."

"Would you like to know more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?" I asked sweetly.

"Um – " She backed away, palms held up like I was pointing a bazooka at her. "You know what? I _just_ remembered. I'm a Buddhist. Yeah, a Buddhist. But…yeah, you keep…going with that."

She hurried back to her seat, and Jasper chuckled quietly. I held up my fist and he smacked it lightly with his own.

"So we're Mormons?" He asked.

"Yeah. Sans bigamy."

His mouth turned down into a pout, then up again as he realized something. "And as we're on the subject of marriage…"

"Can it, Jasper."

* * *

It was late afternoon when we finally arrived at Sea-Tac. I stumbled off the plane, fuzzy with exhaustion, wrapped tight in Jasper's arms with Bella's leading grasp on my elbow.

It would have been worth the fatigue just see Edward and Bella's reunion. He scooted up to her at _slightly_ faster than was humanely possible and crushed her into the circle of his arms. Her whole body seemed to sag the second they touched, slumping into her mate with the easy of grace of relief. It was only then that I could truly acknowledge the sacrifice she'd made by coming with me.

Esme and Carlisle came next, Esme smoothly wrapping Jasper and I into a hug, obviously realizing it was futile to try and break the contact between us.

"Thank you," She whispered into my ear.

"S'okay, Esme," I slurred, swaying on my feet. Jasper laughed quietly, and I heard Rosalie's soft voice slip into the proceedings.

"Take her home, Jazz. She's dead on her feet."

I slept the whole journey back to Forks, waking twice when we took particularly sharp corners. I was vaguely aware of Edward driving and who I assumed to be Bella in the passenger seat, but I couldn't be sure.

* * *

"You have got some explaining to do, young man."

"I know. And I'm very sorry, Mrs. Brandon."

"Leaving our daughter in pieces when you disappeared, breaking her heart…and then _she_ vanishes, and all _I_ get is a call from your mother saying that you've embarked on some harebrained scheme, and our Alice is going after you!"

"I thought she was dead." His voice was quiet; somber. "I was…misinformed, it seems. But I went off the radar and…well…everyone assumed the worst."

"And?"

"She saved me. From the worst."

"Oh, Jasper Hale." My mom's voice was quieter too. "I could knock your heads together. Put her in her bedroom. Then come and have a cup of coffee."

"Thank you." Gratitude now filled and overflowed his voice. "Thank you for being so understanding."

She chuckled. "My daughter has always been an adventurer, Jasper. But I've always had a feeling, even when she scowling like thunder at you - you'll be the one to bring her home safely at the end of it. And you've just proved me right."

His arms shifted until I was in prime sleeping position, and who was I to resist?

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking in the semi darkness.

"What time is it?" I said to myself, automatically reaching for my alarm clock.

"Half past five."

"Mother – " I turned with a jump to find Jasper lying next to me, on top of my birthday afghan.

"I'm hallucinating, aren't I? This is just like the voice in my head thing! It was all a dream!" I wailed.

His eyes widened. "You're not dreaming. I'm here."

"I'm not dreaming! So I'm dead?" Another wail issued forth. "I knew it! Maria got me, didn't she? Or was it Laurent? Was that a dream too?"

The mirage took hold of my shoulders. "You're not dreaming. You're not dead."

"Am I stoned?"

"No."

"Drunk?"

"No."

"Just generally tripping?"

"Maybe. Alice, I'm here." He rolled his eyes. "I'd forgotten quite how melodramatic you are."

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you sure you're real?"

"As real as a mythical man can be."

"Okay. Then stay very still."

He became a carving in marble, perched on my bed like a piece of fallen masonry. Very, very slowly, I leaned toward him, noting the black color of his eyes. A hallucinatory Jasper would probably not be thirsty.

"Don't move." I carefully, very carefully (in case I fell right through him and hit the floor), got right up close, and warily aligned his lips to mine. Then I moved forward a little more, until they touched. I jumped back in surprise.

"Mother trucker. You are here."

"How did you work that one out?" His eyes were wicked; flashing sparks of fire.

"I got tingles when I did that."


	26. Keep Holding On

**_Last official chapter - epilogue on the way.  
This chapter is, of course, named for Avril Lavigne's wonderful song. I think it suits this pair perfectly.  
_

* * *

25. Keep Holding On**

"Honestly," I said, when I'd finally relaxed enough for my pounding heart to be vaguely comfortable. "What keeps you coming back here? What is it that's so special about me?"

My head was back against his chest, hiding his expression, but his words were soft; the low pitch a soothing legato rhythm on my back.

"Haven't I told you this before? You're an enigma. You constantly surprise me. And I'm selfish enough to think that means the task of figuring you out falls to me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

The touch of his lips on my neck was gentle. "Thank you. But I am curious…"

"About what?"

"What is about me? That brings you back, I mean."

I turned to face him. "Are you serious?"

His face was immobile, as if he expected a rebuff. "Deadly."

"Then don't do that." I touched his too still features with one finger. "It scares me. And – I don't know. A combination of things. Maybe the reason is there _is_ no reason. Whatever's meant to be will happen. And," I smiled to myself. "You've tried to shake me off at least twice. And it's not working."

"Dang." His smile had returned. "I'll have to try harder."

"But I – " I swallowed and prepared for the hardest part; the part that would hurt him. "I barely survived without you. Eating, sleeping, following a routine – yes. But living? No."

He flinched as I explained myself, and I reached up and planted a soft kiss on his mouth. It was sweet; it lingered.

"But I do have another question." His face had almost relapsed back into its stony mask, and I feared what was coming.

"Yes?"

"You don't want to marry me," He stated, picking up my hand from where it was lying on the coverlet, and beginning to doodle patterns on it with his cold fingers.

I focused on the tracings he was making on my palm. "It's not for any other reason, apart than the obvious."

"Which is?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jasper, I'm eighteen! No, I don't see myself ever being with anyone else. But – marriage?" I wrinkled my nose. "Okay, you might have never got this, since you're a guy and all, and Barbies weren't invented when you were alive, but – "

"What have Barbies got to do with this?"

"Hear me out. I played with Barbies, okay?" He raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I know it doesn't seem like me. But I'd have this big soap bubble of engagement and a big fancy wedding, and then – then it would just pop. Because they were married. And then the next logical step would be babies." I shivered.

His face was a mask of ancient sadness. "We could never conceive."

"I know. And if I had you, I wouldn't mourn that. But – marriage? The freaky extended family?"

His face was still full of sorrow, and I ached to do something – anything. This was a boy who had signed up for glory and gotten an eternity of darkness in exchange for his sacrifice. How many terrible things had that too perfect, too incandescent, far too young face seen?

"Oh, my Jasper," I ran one hand down the column of his stone neck, beginning to glow subtly as the sun dragged its way into the sky, just beyond the trees. "You've been alone too long."

His arms were around me before I could react; face pressed into his chest where the scent was overpowering, to a point where I felt giddy.

"I was alone until May third last year." I peeped up at him, and began to see a smile form on his lips. "That day, I went into school like it was any other day. Then, a girl ran in late, was rude to the entire class and compared me to an elk."

His smile was broad now, and for once I could understand the phrase 'grinning from ear to ear'.

"You barged into my life so fast that I didn't even have time to put up walls. Even my family are not as attuned to me as you are. And after the accident – well, I – I started to worry. Actually, worry is wrong. I started to panic."

"Panic? Panic about what?" I teased. His eyes went wide as saucers.

"Do you have any idea how many ways there are for you to injure yourself? To die?" His voice became frantic. "You could slip on a completely everyday object and break your neck, for example. You could decide to go to the beach, just when a big swell was coming in. You could accidentally catch fire. You could – "

"Okay, okay." I laughed, clapping my hand over his mouth. "Point taken."

He kissed my palm where it touched his lips, and then pulled it down to cradle the other of his.

"You wouldn't mourn it though?" He asked. "Truthfully – you wouldn't mourn having all the things that – for example – Quil could give you?"

"Quil?!" I spluttered.

"It was an example."

I thought for a minute, chewing my lip. From under my lashes, I could see him waiting, still as a statue, though sensed the turmoil bubbling just beneath as he waited for my answer.

"No," I said, finally. "Firstly – and most obviously – is because I could never love anyone the way I love you. I doubt anyone ever has."

"Except me." He pointed out.

"Not so."

"I have centuries more experience than you."

"Only one. And anyway – " I continued, "To carry on with what I was saying – children would never be the top of my agenda. They rule your whole life from beginning to end."

"But – "

"Shhh. I'm explaining. Which leads me onto the second point. I'd be terrified of the person I love dying before me. In your case – " I pressed one hand over his still heart. "It's no problem. But being left alone?" I shivered. "Any sort of emotional darkness frightens me too much.

"And also – not to sound boastful – he couldn't match me. I think you're the only person I know who can. You can argue with me, hate me one minute and then love me the next."

Another kiss, this time to the tip of my nose.

"I could _never_ hate you."

"Don't go all mushy on me."

His lips moved along my cheek to my jaw, where he followed the path down to my collarbone. My blood began to pound in my head as I felt myself flush a deep and glorious red as my cheeks stained.

He looked up. "I've _so_ missed that."

I laid my cheek on top of his curly hair. "I've missed this. All of this."

We stayed there for a long, long moment, my tiny frame curled around his much larger one. I listened to the smooth undulation of his breath coming in and out, while I'm sure he listened to the staccato rhythm of my heartbeat as it slowed.

The sun finally broke free from the shadow of the trees, illuminating the room and shattering each ray into millions of shards of rainbow colored light.

"You took my hand," He reflected quietly. "You took my hand, and for the first time – I felt hope. You didn't care that my eyes were red. You didn't care what a monster I was. You just took it."

"Wherever you are," I told him. "Whatever you do. I'll be by your side. I'll take your hand. In light and darkness. In sentience and in doubt. You just have to keep holding on."

"And we'll make it through."

As my alarm clock chirruped six o'clock, we sealed our pact. I leaned up once more and pulled his perfect, icy lips down on to mine, speaking words which no one but us could hear.

There would be explanations.

Accusations.

There would be challenges, adventures and real life yet to face.

But for now, I didn't care.

For now, I was content to hold him in my arms and know that I was whole again – fully healed. Our path lay clear ahead of us.

Enough for forever.


	27. Epilogue

**_And so, we reach the end of another chapter in the True North saga.  
As I have before, I would like to give thanks to all my readers, for your massive outpourings of love and support. Also, to my non-readers, who put up with me chewing their ear off about giving me an opinion.  
Writing Deep South has changed me in a way True North couldn't. I think I've grown more as a writer this time. It's a massive boost for other authors, who you really admire, to reply to your review by telling you that they're reading yours next, because of all the hype about it.  
I've had so many messages saying 'My friend referred this to me and I love it' or 'I've passed this on to my cousin and she thinks it's great.' It gives me such a warm glow to know that people enjoy my stuff enough to recommend it to others.  
I don't know when I'll be back. Probably soon. A lot is changing in my life right now, what with exams and moving up in the world. East Meets West: Carpe Diem is on its way - I've already begun. I don't know whether I want to delay it or not.  
'To capture the imagination - that, my friends, is true love.' - Anon.  
_

* * *

Epilogue**

I took a deep breath, smoothing down my gown with trembling fingers.

"Alice?" My dad poked his head round the door. "You look beautiful, sweetheart."

"Is everyone down there?" I asked, eyes closed.

"Yes. We should go." He offered me an arm, letting me be a little girl just this one last time. I pulled my arm through his, concentrating on the rhythm of my breathing, on keeping it regular.

I breathed out one last shaky breath as we reached the head of the staircase.

Then I began to walk down it with careful, measured steps. I kept my head up, as I'd been instructed, blinking at the camera flashes that went off as I descended.

My dad's arm was steady and sure around mine, and I wondered what he made of it; now that his daughter was growing up in the most definable way possible – starting a new life?

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I took another breath and looked around.

There he was, burning bright as a tongue of flame. Jasper took my hand, though I could barely look him in the eye.

"I look awful, don't I?" I said, in a very small voice.

"No," He said, loyally. "I've always thought there was a lot to be said for butter yellow."

His attempt at cheering me up dispelled my embarrassment. I held the polyester skirt of my graduation gown away from my body. "Are you serious? I can practically hear the fibers shrieking in pain!"

He rolled his eyes at my mother who, armed with her digital camera, smiled back.

"You're very melodramatic, you know," She commented.

"I believe I _have_ heard that one before." I extended my hand, and felt a steely grasp take mine almost automatically; as if I were a lifeline.

"One more picture!" My mom insisted, shepherding me (and the Cullens and Hales respectively) into the living room. We dutifully lined up and smiled big smiles for the camera. Then the others helpfully drifted away, leaving me and Jasper framed in the window.

"I think I've grown."

He shrugged. "What – an inch? I doubt you'll catch me up very soon."

"Picture!" My mom squealed, watching us. "I know I only said one, but you two…"

Jasper wrapped an arm playfully round my neck and I swatted him. Just then, the flash went off.

"Oops," said my mom, looking suspiciously like she was smiling. "Too early."

"Let me see," I insisted, and she handed me the camera.

The difference between us was striking, of course. Dark and fair; tall and little; him graceful and elegant despite the hideous gown, me looking like a pixie in yellow polyblend.

But the angel looked down on the tiny dark creature with such an open face, so full of adoration that his golden eyes were on fire. Her face, though much less beautiful, looked at the angel with a kind of wonder, struck dumb that fortune would bring such a gift to her door.

Stupidly, I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"Are you crying?" His tone was almost teasing; but a vein of gentleness ran through it. Only he knew _why_ I was crying.

"No." I blinked rapidly. "We'd better get going – we'll be late."

We had to take three cars in the end. My mom and dad buddied up with Carlisle and Esme, who were coming to watch their children 'graduate'. The older Cullens went in Edward's shiny Volvo – Jasper and I were invited along too, but the invitation was declined before I could even get a word in.

He had a different idea in mind.

They left a few minutes before us, and I was taken outside with two cool hands covering my eyes.

"Do you have a problem with me seeing clearly?" I moaned, almost tripping over the doorstep.

"Shhh. It's worth it." The hands moved swiftly away from my eyes to reveal what was before me.

I took a quick intake of breath. "Is that – "

He chuckled. "Yes."

I took a step forward, laying my hand on the gleaming paintwork of a car I hadn't seen for many long months.

"My Porsche," I whispered.

The car was as magnificent as it had ever been. I circled it slowly, keeping on hand on its surface, as if it would vanish from beneath my fingertips the second I let go.

"Yeah." Jasper cleared his throat, sounding almost nervous. "I didn't know whether you want to see it or not, after – "

I bounded over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He began to laugh louder than he had before as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"We could just – you know – " He said, experimentally kissing away the tears on my cheeks. "Stay here."

"No way." I slid off him, ignoring his grin as I landed on my rear. "There's _no_ way I'm missing out on a chance to drive this thing."

* * *

"Brandon, Alice!"

It was only graduation, but my heart thumped at the roar that rose at my name. The whistling had to be Emmett, but all else I heard was a wall of noise which sent me up the steps feeling oddly buoyant.

"Congratulations, Miss Brandon."

My hand closed around my diploma, the paper cool and crackly beneath my palm. A little part of me detached at the contact; not exactly the childlike part – but the part which had been my closest confidante since school had begun, all those years ago.

As I descended back into the auditorium, a string of images flashed before my eyes. A little girl stood before a mirror, her wild black hair carefully tamed into braids; dark eyes shiny with excitement. A slightly older girl flashed me a gap toothed grin, but the mirror was now surrounded by fairy lights.

The scene changed again – me, on the first day at school. My skin was a strange, too perfect peach, at odds with the darkness of my hair and eyes. There was a sullenness at the back of my eyes – they looked empty. Sad. I looked like a girl who was trying not to cry.

The last picture contained two faces. The girl resembled her younger incarnations now, cheeks flushed with excitement, a fairytale contrast to her milk white skin.

Beside her was the angel from the picture, his face at the level of hers. Both pairs of eyes flashed excitement, as if this matriculation was not another common occurrence for the seraph.

I still looked pale, and comparatively fragile. The bruises beneath my eyes were lilac now, not the deep lavender of dark days gone past. But I looked happy.

The girl in the last picture had the sun in her eyes. She looked forward to something.

My eyes hunted through the crowd, fastening on the face I was looking for.

The angel was composed of many parts. His hair and eyes were golden as ore, while his frigid, marble skin belonged in some long deserted shrine to beauty.

My carving of Adonis stayed perfectly still as I made my way down the aisle. I settled into the seat beside him with a sigh, leaning my head on the sure stone of his shoulder.

"So what now?" He asked, quietly.

I looked about me again. The shining, fresh faces of the humans who made up most of the audience – my friends, and the glorious, ice white faces of those occupying the long row beside us.

My family.

"What now?" I repeated. "Now, we stay still for a while. I've only just got you back; eternity can wait a while."

"Soon," He stressed.

I laughed quietly as I realized what I was about to say.

"We will be together," I told him, smiling as his face lifted at the memory. "Just not yet."

* * *

_**You thought it was the wedding at the beginning, didn't you? Oh, admit it. You so did.**_


	28. Q & A

**

* * *

What does each story's name mean?**

You'll have to read the True North Q & A (and True North, if you haven't already) for that one.

As to the forthcoming fics – East Meets West: Carpe Diem is a reference to Alice's numbered mortal days. Carpe diem means 'seize the day'.

East Meets West: Memento Mori is an aside to the darker nature of the last book of the saga. Memento mori means 'remember that you will die'.

**How did you go about creating a sequel for True North?**

I began writing Deep South during a writing dry spot for True North. I'd always been attracted to the idea of a New Moon-esque sequel because, as a reader, I enjoy New Moon very much – it's very much one of those 'light at the end of the tunnel' things.

**Why do the characters behave so differently in Deep South, as appose to New Moon?**

I really don't think the wolf girls get enough face time in any of the books. Emily's loving; Leah's a bitch – that's the end of it. But people really seem to under appreciate Leah's strength – after all, she has to be with Sam every day, and, on top of that, read his mind.

The same way I knew there was never anyone but Jasper for Alice, I couldn't step into Jacob Black's simply massive shoes. I'm a big fan of Jake as a character (though not as a love interest for Bella), and am a big fan of the Jacob/Nessie pairing.

So poor old Jacob Black disappeared into the wilderness, brokenhearted by Bella's marriage. Bella hating opportunity for the Team Jacob girls, no Jacob Black for my Team Edward buddies. It all works.

And the Volturi? The way my writing's panning out, they may not even feature _at all_. And no, I could not resist making an allusion to Aro's campness – the guy has _got_ to be gay! At least a little bit.

**Whatever happened to Laurent?**

Jasper dealt with him. It was not pretty.

**Whatever happened to Maria?**

Jasper dealt with her, in the non fatal way. She will not be launching a Victoria-esque vendetta against Alice.

**Is the vampire movie constantly referenced Twilight?**

Yes. It is. And at the end, on the plane, New Moon is showing. I know the dates aren't right, but it's a little artistic license. And because it makes me giggle.

**What did Maria think would scare Alice when she was made into a vampire?**

Jasper's scars. If you read Breaking Dawn, you'll see Bella's reaction to them is quite dramatic. However, Alice will learn to love them because (all together now) they're a part of Jasper.

**Who scares Laurent away/is behind Alice in the alley?**

If you didn't pick up on the explanation, Jasper (quite rationally) stayed behind to keep an eye on our danger magnet heroine.

**Is Jasper behind the scholarship?**

Yes. That was a storyline cut out of New Moon, for the obvious reason that Edward wouldn't get in touch with Bella. Jasper, who is infinitely less melodramatic, would.

**Who did Jasper murder?**

He didn't _murder_ anyone. In fact, he helped a girl who had been brutally beaten to die peacefully.


End file.
